Another Life
by Maellowyn
Summary: When a human dies his soul becomes immortal. Passing into the otherworld he can either dwell there or be born again. But what happens when a Fae, a creature born of the otherworld dies? What fate awaits Mab after her defeat? movie-based MA/ME ;-
1. The Final Battle

First Chapter

She felt empty. The battle had turned out far differently than in her imaginations. Now she stood in the empty hall of Camelot, the round table right in front of her. All colors seemed to be drained from her. Grey strands of hair framed her face, where once the black cascades felt over her shoulders. She felt more tired than ever. But in her face there still was the ageless beauty of the goddess. What now? What options where left for her? She was at a loss. All her trials had been in vain.

Suddenly, before she could find an answer, the large doors of the gate flew open. Merlin appeared, closely followed by Frik. The moment she saw, him the anger rose again inside her. Merlin - once her highest hope for the survival of her people - now her most acrimonious enemy. Because of him, it all had gone wrong and now he stood in front of her, obviously at the same rage as she was. "I knew I would find you here, Mab" he said. Of course he would. After all there still was a connection between them. At this thought Mab felt a twinge in her heart. But she ignored it, the memory was too painful, instead she answered: "So you have come to see my final triumph?" But her question was rather made in gallows humour than meant seriously. She knew the last fight would be about life and death. Of course Merlin also knew that. He had only one goal, now that everybody he once loved was gone. "I've come to see your final defeat!" he hissed. "Bah you always were a dreamer Merlin!" she returned. "Let me see… you have lost your Arthur, the battle, your one true love…"

"The battle isn't over yet Mab", Merlin declared. For now there only was one fight left, and he wouldn't refuse it. She was right; he had lost everyone that mattered to him so only the wish for vengeance was left inside him. It wouldn't matter if he died now, Nimue was lost to him and the world would still be changing without him. But Mab still disavowed his resistance. He was her creation and she wouldn't give in. "You can't win!"

At that moment Frik interfered, pointing out that Mab was in rather worse condition, so Merlin would have an easy game defeating her. That brought Mab even more in rage. She jumped on the round table straight toward both of the men. "Why are you consulted with that traitor?" she hissed raising her arms threateningly. She hated that little bastard, and she would have ripped out his heart in the same moment if he hadn't chosen to back up and retreat. "Madame after all my years as faithful servant… I mean that's rather harsh!" he said reproachfully. But Mab only shouted: "That's not as harsh as I'm going to be!" Frightened by his former mistress Frik decided to leave this fight to Merlin. At least he was still a wizard whereas Frik didn't even possess his magical powers anymore. "Sorry can't stay!" within seconds he made his way out the hall, closing the gates and leaving Mab and Merlin behind.

Now as they were alone, it seemed that Mab let her mask drop. A deadly silence was lingering in the air. Suddenly there was no arrogance left on her face. Instead she looked rather deprived and sad. Her eyes weary and her former haughtiness gave way to certain firmness. "Mordred is dead." was all left she could say. Slowly she realized the pain concerning him. At least he had been the only one who had stayed faithful at her side. But for Merlin this statement only made clear, that they both where at equal conditions. "So we both have nothing to lose." His eyes glared when he said; "This battle now is just between you and me, Mab." He moved closer. Merlin thought, that now the time for arguments was over. His decision was made, like it was years ago when he had decided to kill Vortigern or like it were when he had wanted to beat Mab in revenge for Ambrosia. Now he would avenge them all: his mother, Ambrosia, Nimue and Arthur.

Mab saw the hatred on his face and realized that all words had been said. With the blink of an eye she parted the wooden table that so long had been the counseling table for the knights. Nothing stood between them now and their fight began. It was Mab that used most of her powers to bring up a storm. The strong wind pulled Merlin from his feet and nearly smashed him into the ceiling. But Merlin wasn't anymore the foolish young apprentice. His powers had grown over all the years. He pulled his energy against hers and moved slowly down again to the ground. When he was back on his feet again he saw that Mab visibly was out of breath. She staggered a little but it made her even angrier. Her first trial wasn't meant to kill Merlin but now she resolved her decision. Her next move should be the end of Merlin. "I show you how weak I am!"

As she raised her hands, the end of her fingers transformed into sharp arrowheads. As quick as a flash the arrows headed towards Merlin. Right before they could pierce him he raised his right hand in return to form a wooden round shield. The ten arrows got stuck in the thick wood one by one. For a moment disbelieving astonishment was shown in Mabs face. But it was quickly followed by infuriation. How could he withstand her after all these years of not using his skills? But Mab had no time to think about Merlins skills. She needed to win and she needed to do this fast. There was already a slight dizziness creeping inside her head. When Merlin pulled the shield aside, she threw a ball of fire at him. But he simply drew aside and it smashed into the wall. So she threw one after another. But every time Merlin either avoided or parried it. And with each fireball she felt even more exhausted.

Mab had to end this. She raised both of her hands and formed with all her magic left a huge bowl of fire. With the rest of her powers she shot it towards Merlin. The wizards reaction came as fast as the huge bowl flew. He ducked down and the fireball stroke through the gate with the power of a meteor. There it crossed the next hall and left the castle at the eastern window where it fell into the lake beyond. The castles people, that had already awaited the outgoing of the fight, watched the spectacle in horror. Now they saw the in their eyes evil Fairy Queen still wasn't defeated and all of them starred now at the two opponents in the table room.

Mab still wasn't ready to give up. Her will to survive was stronger, even if those humans would attack her now, she would fight them. "My strength may be failing Merlin, but I can still deal with these poor humans." Pressing one hand to her side, because of the stabbing pain in her body, she went closer. "What are you planning to do?" she asked. "Use your puny swords and axes on me?" Now fear crept into the people's minds as they believed her to attack them. Hopefully they looked at Merlin to protect them. But he recognized his chance. And suddenly there was no fearful thought left in their heads. One by one, everyone who had looked into his eyes had forgotten absolutely everything concerning this situation. Even their own will had been extinguished. Hypnotized by the wizard they turned around and ignored their surroundings not even noticed Merlins words. As he said: "No Mab we are just going to forget you." So he turned around leaving the hall knowing that when he deleted all memories for her in the humans' minds, Mab finally would die. She could draw no more power out of the people's beliefs and weakened as she was, she simply would cease to exist. Finally he could defeat her. Merlin hoped he would feel better when alls this would be over and his revenge fulfilled.

Mab was irritated by this at first. "Merlin, what are you doing?" "You can't fight us nor frighten us – your just not important enough anymore." he declared glancing back at her. Slowly it began to dawn on her. "We forget you Queen Mab. Go join your sister in the lake and be forgotten!" With that he finally turned and concentrated hard to uphold the hypnotization. But still there was this anger and hatred he felt for her he wished that it was so easily, that she was not important anymore. But that could only work for the people, not for him. His emotions were still too strong and it was hard to ignore her cries.

"Look at me!" she yelled. "Merlin!" But the people moved out of the halls leaving the scene, following the command in their heads given by the wizard whose name they couldn't even remember. Mab still screamed, "Don't forget me Merlin… I love you!" When he also went to leave the hallway, Mab couldn't bear it anymore. He ignored her desperate cries but she didn't want to die. Fear nearly paralyzed her and for some awful long seconds she felt the cold finger of death catching her breath.

But then her will to survive came back. She would do anything. She knew she had done many wrongs. But if he could give her only one more chance she would do everything to proof him worthy of it. She knew he hated her, but if she could convince him of another chance he might be able to forgive her. Gathering together all the little strength that was left in her body she began to ran. She ran right after him. She could not simply let him walk away. When he nearly had reached the end of the hallway she caught up with him.

As Mab reached him she seized the back of his robes. He stopped abruptly when she clutched her hands deeply into the cloth. That was not the way he had planed it. He wanted to destroy her, not to hear her pleas for mercy. With a brisk movement he turned around and simultaneously he struck out with his right arm his hand clenched to a fist. The punch hit her right in the face sending her down to the ground. Mabs head seemed to explode in pain, when she fell. When she could open her eyes again she found herself on the floor. Quite disorientated she looked up right into his eyes….


	2. A Hard Decision

Second Chapter 

What had happened? For a moment both of them were confused about that act of violence. His abrupt reaction shocked Merlin. His mind flashed back many years ago, when he had felt the same anger. He saw himself again as a young man of 20 years age. He just had come home to find Ambrosia dying. He remembered how hard he had tried to beat Mab then. He remembered his clutched fist that was held up in the middle of the air; the strength he had needed to uphold it there, the effort with which he had tried and the easiness with that Mab just had pushed him away. He also remembered the pride in her eyes and the firm conviction in her face; and the arrogance with those she had said:"You haven't the power to strike me." He felt again how hard he had wished to tear her apart in that moment just to pay her back what she had done. Back then he was desperate to batter that scornful smile from her face. But it seemed the Mab that was sitting in front of him now had nothing in common with the icy Queen from his memories. Tears rolled down her cheeks and mingled with blood dropping from the corner of her lips. Oppressed sobs left her mouth. A pathetic crying and shivering picture of misery she was. Merlin noticed the slight feeling of pity for her, which was growing stronger. No stop – this wasn't right. He could not betray the ones he lost. How could he feel pity for her now? Anger rose again in him. "How dare you?" he hissed.

"Merlin, please!" She shook her head attempting to say something.

"How dare you to insult me?!" he interrupted her.

"Merlin please, don't cast me away, please don't..!" she whined.

"Why should I listen to you?!" Merlin was furious again. He repressed the remorse about beating her. Why shouldn't he pay her back? But Mab even more desperate didn't stop. She needed to gain a second chance from him. Of course she wanted to survive, but more important was, that after all these years she still felt love for him. Maybe she had ignored that circumstance for many years, but now, as there was nothing else left, she saw it clearly. And like she had always known, she realized Merlin was her only hope left. But he seemed to be far from giving in. But she would not let him go so easily. As long as she had the power to follow him, she would. Let him kill her. It wouldn't matter to her anymore, she thought; maybe she would be pleased if he did so. "Merlin please I beg you! Do not turn your back on me! You can't just leave me here like this."

"Why not?! Why after all should I take pity for you?"

But what for arguments could she give him? What reason could she tell him, to make him take her back? Before Mab could think about it, Merlin wrinkled his nose. He smelled smoke. Where there's smoke there's fire. Seconds later he had found the source of it. The ceiling atop was burning. It took him some moments to realize why. One of the fireballs Mab had been tossing at him in their fight some minutes ago had sparked on the wooden trusses. Now the fire was spreading over from the hall over to the rest of the castle. With immense speed the flames took over from ceiling to ceiling. More and more smoke filled the corridors and the halls. Distracted Merlin looked over to the next crossing corridor, where shrieking people fled the castle. The smoke bit into his eyes. He tried to blink the tears away, cause now he could barely see. And what he didn't saw was the cracking and breaking truss above him. But Mab saw it with horror. Before the truss could fall onto him, she shot forward pushing Merlin aside - With heavy impact they collided and Merlin was smashed some feet away.

When he looked up again, the truss lay burning next to him. But beyond it there lay Mab wreathing in pain. Now Merlin simply reacted. There was no time for him to think over his actions. If he didn't hurry the whole ceiling would collapse on them. So he made a raising gesture with his hand and the truss was moved up and away. He bent down and took her up into his arms. The heat of the flames was unbearable now. It seemed the whole castle was burning now. Merlin looked for the right direction, where they could escape the fire, but the smoke seemed to be everywhere. Coughing he stumbled on, down the corridor and away from the centre of fire. Away from the room where once the round table stood. He could hear the fleeing people and so he followed their screams.

Mab lay in his arms but he didn't notice her weight. He stumbled down a corridor followed by stairs and further corridors. Finally he reached the yard. People were trying to gather water but he could see, there was no use of it. Camelot was lost like its former heroes. Not far in the future it would be nothing than a mere legend.

He found Sir Rupert, where he had left him in the courtyard. "Gods! Merlin what has happened?" he went. "No time, come on!" Merlin gasped. He pulled Mab over the saddle and took his place behind her. Fast they made their way out through the burning gates. The magical horse knew a danger most deadly to all living beings – fire. Therefore Sir Rupert didn't waste any time to pass the several gates until there where outside the castle. Some foot on Merlin stopped him for a look back. With horror he saw the black trails of smoke rising against the sky. People where fleeing the castle and walls collapsed.

"Merlin you can't help them anymore." The horse pointed out. "But you can help her, if you act quickly."

Merlin looked down on Mab. She was unconscious, but he could see the injuries the fire had caused. What now? Some moments ago they still had fought each other. And all he had wanted was to get rid of her for all time. But instead of a simple fight with one winner and one defeated, she had pled for his mercy. A mercy he was not willing to give her at this time. Even now he felt his anger again but there was this other thing again. This little feeling of remorse crept back into his mind too. The mix of opposite feelings was driving him mad. He should end it here and now, he thought his fingers moving slightly to his belt, where his dagger was fixed. Slowly they closed around the leathern grip. But what was he doing now? Another sin? Killing a defenseless person was one thing even if he hated her. Could he really put another burden like this on his soul? The dagger lay cold in his hand. He held the blade close to her throat. And was this his thank for her saving his life?

No – he couldn`t. Of course he had to end it, but not this way. Outrages for outrages and the endless chain of sins would move on. There had been enough victims in this ancient fight. Maybe it was now the time for something else. He put the dagger back to his belt. She couldn't harm him anymore. And even if he couldn't forgive her, nevertheless he couldn't kill her or let her die like this.

"Finally." Sir Rupert said and turned southwards. "What?" Merlin roused from his thoughts. But the horse had already fallen into a swift gallop. Merlin wondered how his old friend always knew, when it was the right time to act. 'But you forget – I am a magical being too.' He heard in his mind. Of course he should have known. But where was Sir Rupert heading to? Then it came to his mind too. Avalon, they had to find a way to heal Mabs wounds, where else could they go?...


	3. Fortunatae Insulae

Third chapter

They had been riding for one and a half day now. Mab hadn't budged a slightly bit. She still was unconscious but Merlin knew that they were running out of time. So he kept Rupert galloping even knowing how exhausted the horse must have been. And once again it felt like a déjà vu. The weight of an injured woman leaning against him, the rocking motion of the hooves and the urge to be faster than the sunset, it seemed all too familiar to him. When it had been Nimue, who was at deadly peril it had been all absolutely clear to him. He had known what to do then. He had known what was right and he had known for what purpose. Now he wasn't so sure about this anymore. He didn't know if it was righteous to save Mab he didn't know if he really wanted to help her and he didn't know if they even could help her. All he knew was that he had to do it all fast enough to have the slightest bit of a chance.

So they passed forests, meadows, runnels and streams. It was early in the evening when the coast came into their sight. He hoped they would reach the shore before the tides would turn. The sun was not yet down. The silhouette of a monastery stood out against the horizon.

One of the monks had told him once it had been built shortly after the Romans had taken over Christianity as their state religion in the end of the fourth century. The island had been known for its mystical relations so the small church had been constructed on the old Celtic grove. But the Celts had been Romanized already for centuries, for their last rise up against the conquerors had been under Boadicea in 61 AD. More and more the new ways of life had crept into the hearts of the people. And slowly their new religions had crept into the places of the old religions by the time then. But the Romans had left Britain already before Merlin was born. Though Christianity had stayed and persuaded even more people for its ideas. He could imagine how threatening these developments must have seemed to Mab. But she had tried to use the weakness of Britain's people. She had tried to gain some profit out of their everlasting quarrels hoping someday, pagan would get the upper hand. She even had tried to bring the Picts on her side, the Prydyn or Cruithne living in the northern mountain regions, but then they also had uproared against the other pagan British high kings like Vortigern. So he had invited some Saxon leaders, Hengist and Horsa, to let them handle his problems. But one problem chases the other and Uther had shown up. That only was a small stone in the chain of causes that led to an alliance between him and Mab. But this was all history now.

His concern was obvious. He was bringing Mab to Avalon - a Christian place; he just could hope that they still were able to treat her injuries. When he reached the coast he saw, that he had to wait at least for two more hours for the falling tide. Slowly he got of the horse with his patient, trying not to hurt her. He couldn't be sure if she would feel something, for she still was unconscious. He wondered how this could be. At least she was a much more mighty being than he or other human were. But she had been weakened before their confrontation. Then it seemed fire was not quite an element she could easily deal with. The truss, that had hit her, must have been heavy… Merlin hoped she had no inner injuries, but looking at her pale face told him otherwise. A small line of blood was dripping down her mouth. Usually she could transform her body at her own will, but now she seemed stuck in a very seriously injured and dying – almost human like – body. He could only hope that there was still time left to safe this dying form of her. He would be dead by now, if the truss had hit him.

He had no other choice but to wait. Sir Rupert was trying to distract him a little, but he still felt uneasy. "Why is it that I care? Why?", Merlin asked. "Because you're bonded.", the horse pointed out. "Not by blood, but by magic.", he went on. But Merlin wasn't satisfied: "Rupert her magic is fading away, so there is no bond left in my opinion." "Well then it must be, because your heart knows it would be false to let her die.", Rupert returned. Merlin sighed, if it only would be that easy. After two restless hours the tide began to turn. Mab was feverish hot by now, but still didn't move nor showed any other sign of life. He pulled her on the horseback again and mounted by himself. The moon had risen on the dark sky. And Avalon was hard to see in the dark, but Rupert always found a save way through the mud flat.

Entering through the gates of the monastery Merlin called Father Abbot, who had always helped him, even though he was a heathen. The old man appeared and some others followed him. "Gracious Lord – Merlin you are back!", he called. "Father it is important – I need the nuns and their healing skills-"

"What happened this time to Nimue?", Merlin was interrupted by the priest.

"Father this time it is not Nimue, but another… another… another friend."

Abbot frowned but waved his hand. One of the monks left to gather the nuns. Two other slowly were taking Mab, as Merlin handed her down. Their countenance dropped apparently, when they got a look on her burnings. Quickly they paced after the others toward the nuns' section. Merlin explained to Abbot the cause of Mabs injuries but left out what major role she had played in the whole situation. The priest visibly shocked by the news of a burning Camelot forgot his questions about Nimue and led Merlin to the guest chamber. "Well I suppose you need to rest now.", he said. But Merlin made an effort to follow him immediately out again. "I have to look after her.", he muttered. "But that would be of no use, my friend.", the priest said. "All we can do now is pray!"

"I… I don't think that would help her. I mean, it may do for others but not her." Merlin sighed and returned to his room. There he sat on the small pallet, thinking about what he could and should do. Maybe father Abbot was right and he should rest a while. But he couldn't find any sleep. Haunted by blurring visions and dreams he tossed and turned on the bed.

When the dawn was rising he had not slept at all. So he got up and made his way to the nuns' quarters. While crossing the chapel he could hear the monks' Morning Prayer.

"…Blessed is he that considereth the poor; the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble. The Lord will preserve him, and keep him alive; and he shall be blessed upon the earth: and thou wilt not deliver him unto the will of his enemies. The Lord will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing: thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness…", he heard them pray.

Merlin shook his head, as if the grace of a foreign god could help Mab in any way. But he hoped the herbs would do it. When he reached the door, he paused a moment taking a deep breath. Then he entered.

One nun was looking up at him. She obviously had spent the whole night next to Mabs bed. With a firm expression on her face she greeted him. "Your friend is not out of the woods yet.", she explained. "We dressed her wounds with common tormentil and brew of flaxseed.", she made a gesture showing him the rest of herbs, they would use later on her new bandages. A mug was standing on the table next to the bed. "Silverweed and purple loosestrife is what we use for the tea we are instilling.", the nun continued following his eyes. "One of her ribs is broken; the bleeding of her mouth apparently came from her lungs." Merlin sighed deeply as he heard this. The burnings were a matter serious enough. But the inner bleedings were nothing those nuns could treat. They could only hope that her body gained some strength and cured himself. "Your tea will it help her?", he asked. The woman nodded. "It usually weakens bleedings.", she assured him. Exhausted Merlin rubbed his temples looking down on Mab. Her upper body was covered in bandages. Her face was bluish white and beads of perspiration rolled across her forehead. Softly his hand touched her skin. Despite her looking pale like a dead, it was still very hot. At least her state hadn't worsened. He went to leave the room. On the corridor father Abbot caught up with him. "Merlin will you accompany me?", he asked, "We are having breakfast now." Even though Merlin felt no hunger he agreed.

They had some bread with honey and fresh water. After Merlin had finished, the priest rose to speak. "Now tell me Merlin; where is Nimue?" He watched him with curiosity. But Merlin just shrugged. What could he tell him? He couldn't say that he had lost her on behalf of the woman his brothers and sisters were treating. And how should he tell the priest about his own involvement. A look on father Abbot told him, that the man was still waiting for an answer. So he simply said: "She left me."

"That is all? How can this be; I mean why should she leave you?", Abbot asked. Merlin sighed again searching for the right words. "Well she made a contract and did not tell me its conditions until it was too late." Onto this father Abbot looked even more puzzled to him. But before he could continue in questioning Merlin, this one stood up and said: "I haven't slept last night… please let me retire now." Quickly he made his way out. Passing the cross-coat he saw a messenger arriving. He could imagine what important news he would bring, but though he paused a moment to listen.

"…They say it all burned down. One of Mordreds troops must have been setting the fire. Now the kingdoms are in uproar. Some of his former knights are claiming Arthur's throne. Others are forming new allies; lords are declaring the autonomy of their reigns. Even the Saxons are claiming more land now. It is rumored that Ælle, Eomær, Woden, Cerdic are gathering around Oisc the son of Hengist in Cantia. Soon there will be another civil war then."

Merlin had heard enough. He never had thought that Arthurs dead would cause so much trouble. Was that the reason why Mab had been so eager in trying to kill him? When there were more Saxon chieftains arriving, it meant that they would use the weakness of Britain by invading this land. Saxons were heathens, but would they follow the Old Ways?


	4. Greetings from the Past

Fourth Chapter

_Mab looked around. She couldn't see anything. No, she could see herself, but everything else was black. No walls, no floor, no ceiling above her, she just was surrounded by the absolute Nothing. Had she lost? Was that the end of the Old Ways? Mab tried to explore the area, but there indeed was nothing, no matter where she walked. "Where of all gods am I?"_

"_You're dead!", said a voice behind her. Mab whirled around. There stood a young woman with dark brown hair. Mab was startled at her sight. "You… this cannot be." "Queen Mab of the Old Ways – it seems to me your mission wasn't successful.", the other said and gave her a reproachful look. "Don't look at me like that! I have tried everything!", Mab exclaimed. "Ts ts ts, but at what cost… so many, many, many, many victims." The other woman shook her head theatrically. _

"_But I didn't kill you!", Mab replied. "You, Gwledyr of Dyfed, knew perfectly well, what price it would cost you to conceive a magical child." Mab seemed upset._

"_I know you didn't", Gwledyr answered, "and I don't blame you for my death." She looked directly into Mabs eyes. "But obviously someone else does.", she said meaningfully._

_Mab frowned. "So what happens now? I'm dead you say?", she asked. _

"_We are talking," the other pointed out, "and I am indeed dead." Mab shook her head. Not believing what she heard. She tried to remember what had happened, but only fragments were blurring through her mind. "This cannot be the end. I have to get out of here!", she said. Looking up again she found that Merlins mother had disappeared. "Poor poor Queen.", Mab could hear her voice echoing through the space. "Why do you always try to mess with powers greater than yours?" The voice faded away. Desperate Mab looked around, scared of being alone again. Where had she gone? "Don't go!", she shouted. "I don't' want to stay here!" _

"_You can't fight fate.", the other voice appeared again. "PLEASE!", Mab yelled. Silence was turning a small moment to eternity. "As you wish…"_

_Suddenly Mab lost her balance. The black unreal floor seemed to quaver. Then the ground under her feet was gone. She felt herself falling, falling down into nothing. A scream left her mouth when she vanished in the deep._

Merlin had slept uneasy, but at least he had gotten some rest. For two days they had been on this island now. Most of this time he had spent with looking after Mab and trying to avoid father Abbot. To his luck the priest and his fellows soon got distracted by the important news the messengers brought to Avalon. The whole world seemed to be in tumult. He decided to see, if Rupert had anything to say about this.

When he reached the stables, the horse was greeting him delighted. "Merlin alas, how are the things going?", he wanted to know. "Well our dear Mab is not yet dead. Actually it seems her inner wounds have started healing. Maybe the herbs are doing their job on her." Merlin pulled some hay batches toward Sir Rupert. "Yes herbs have immense power, now you know why I never get sick!" Merlin could only smile on his horses comment. Maybe he was right and maybe he should put some trust in the healing skills of the nuns. Something else lay on his mind. "Sir Rupert, have you heard about the rumors concerning a new war?"

"Well that was quite predictable." Merlin frowned. "You see that's how history goes," the horse pointed out, "A king is dying leaving a power vacuum with no rightful heirs; so everyone is trying to fill it." Merlin was surprised how wisely his old companion always judged the situation. He only wished Arthur would have not died so early, if he just had lived a little longer… "Then the same thing still would have happened.", the horse interfered. "It is not your fault, Merlin, that Arthur rather was chasing after the Holy Grail, than he was thinking about ensuring his progeny." "You are probably right.", Merlin sighed. "And what about the Saxons?" "What should be with them?", the horse asked. "When they taking over the country, it will be bad times for Christianity.", he explained. But Rupert only vehemently shook his head. "Merlin don't you think, you have interfered enough in human politics?"

After his conversation with Sir Rupert he went to Mab again. He wanted to make sure that her state had not worsened. When he saw her deathly pale lying motionless on her bed, his heart sunk again. But touching her forehead told him, that at least her temperature seemed normal again. Still her breathing was very low and she hadn't moved at all. A young nun approached the room followed by two other sisters. "You have to leave now.", she exclaimed, "We are changing her bandages now." Merlin nodded and made his way to the door, his shoulders sunken with sagging steps. "Do not despair!", he heard the sister say. "God will save her!"

If you knew, he thought. Leaving the room and heading back to the dormitories. This procedure was repeated the following days. First he would go down to the stables for a talk with Sir Rupert, and then he would see after Mab. The monks kept on praying and the nun kept on treating their patient. But there wasn't much of a change in her state. The sisters told him her wounds were healing slowly, but without a life sign of her he was not going to be optimistic.

_She didn't feel the impact, when she finally landed on solid ground once more. How could she apparently being dead. When she looked up she saw that she was surrounded by large hedges. No usual hedges of course. Dark tendriled and impenetrable plants with thorns were reaching highly in the air with no sight of their top. I didn't matter; the sky or ceiling was as unreal as the ground. Mab made her way through the strange twilight. This area was no bit better than the Nothing she had been in before. The hedges turned out to be a labyrinth. Obviously it was up to her to find a way out. Maybe the way out would also be her way back. Gwledyr may have arranged this on her pleadings. Or if it was not her, death himself may have given her another chance. 'You can't fight fate' Was this supposed to mean, she would stay forever here in this no man's land? But why Gwledyr had appeared after all? Thinking of that, she remembered Merlin. 'But obviously someone else does' blame you, it echoed in her mind. Could she really have meant it that way? What was Merlin doing right now? Was it on his behalf that she was here – did he actually kill her? _

_The last thing she could remember was him beating her to the ground. Then everything had gone black and she had smelled smoke. If he did kill her, then it was useless. She couldn't go back there, what was left at all? Seeing his hatred again and being fought by every being in this world. She sighed. Standing here would give her nothing. Then she could also try to find some way out by wandering around a little bit. But the little bit turned to hours and then to days she believed. It felt like an eternity that she was wandering through these dead gardens seeing nothing but thorny grey hedges. Hearing no sound, seeing no light and feeling no warmth. She became weary. Grey, it seemed to her, was the biggest expression of a miserable nonexistence. No wandering anymore she thought. It must have been weeks and it would become years. Exhausted she sat down. She just wanted to close her eyes and to stop being. _

"_If I were you, I wouldn't do that!", she heard right in the moment as she lay down her body. Shocked she startled up again. Turning around to face a slightly amused Ambrosia. "I wouldn't dare to fall asleep here!", she repeated. Mab frowned, but was rising up again. "Why not?", she asked. "Ah because if you settle down your royal butt and start a catnap, the last bit of your soul is going to fade away.", Ambrosia shot back. _

"_So what does it matter? I'm dead anyway", Mab replied. "Oh come on. The Mab I know would still fight, even if she were all in bones." Mab didn't answer. "You obviously aren't dead.", Ambrosia continued, "Your soul is not like the immortal soul of a human." Mab still didn't understand. So the old woman got on telling her. "If we die our souls are transferred, but if you do it fades away." Pointing at her she meant: "so seeing you here means, that somewhere you still must be alive." Mab let out a gasp. She was not used to being lectured by Ambrosia, especially when she had to admit, that the woman seemed to be right. Ambrosia didn't let herself be deterred. "I suppose you should walk on and find a way back." Mab shook her head. "I have been walking for days and there seems to be no end at all!" _

"_Oh please do not let me interfere in your dying plans.", Ambrosia snapped. Playing with a thorny tendril she let Mab think about her words. "But what if I can't find the right way? I'm feeling more and more weary.", Mab asked. Ambrosia gave her a serious look. "You are running out of time. Do not rely onto some lucky incident. You cannot always wait for the help of others.", the old woman turned to her, "do something!" _

"_You hate me for killing you, don't you?", Mab asked. But Ambrosia gave a laugh. "Oh yes I forgot the mighty ego of our almighty Queen, responsible for each heart stroke of an eighty year old woman on this planet." "What do you mean by th…-" _

"_I would not talk to you if it were that way.", Ambrosia interrupted her. "Now go and see what you can do!" Before Mab could reply something, Ambrosia had vanished. Alone again she was and now completely confused. This had been the second person from her past whose dead was somehow related to her actions. Who else might turn up here? _

_So this was not dead… what a strange damnation it would have been being trapped here but getting the absolution from former fellows. She decided to hold onto Ambrosias words. She would walk on, until she found some way out of these endless dead gardens._


	5. Artus ad Dominum Migratur

Fifth Chapter

The sound of many hooves woke him up one morning. Merlin blinked against the sun. Did he really hear horses? It could only mean there were more messengers arriving. Yawning he got out of his bed. Stretching his legs he listened to the voices under his window. When he heard someone mention Arthurs name he perked up his ear. He left his room. Better he looked after the new arrivals. When he headed down the hall he met halfway the leader of the group that had woken him so early in the morning. It was Gawain, the son of King Lloth and the long time loyal friend of Arthur.

Gawain looked up in surprise seeing Merlin. The troubled events of the last days clearly had left their traces on his face. Dark circles were around his eyes and a large scar, cut in there by Mordred's axe, was on his right cheek. "Gawain, what is it that brings you here?", Merlin asked. The young lord sighed. "We are here to pay our last respects to Arthur. This is the place where his tomb will be." A sting, Merlin gulped his throat to dry to say something. He had not thought about this. Seeing Arthur die had been one thing. It had driven him mad and in his madness he just had rushed on leaving the corpse behind. He had cried and screamed and shouted on the Lady of the Lake. Yes and he had come to the decision to kill Mab. But what had this led to? Mab was here now and so was Arthur.

Some nobles and knights appeared behind Gawain followed by father Abbot. The monk saw him. "Ah Merlin there you are.", he said aloud. "As I see you are already informed. Will you help us please in preparation of the funeral?" Horror widened Merlin's eyes. But Abbot conciliatorily said, "Will you show our guests some rooms and see if you can help them bringing their baggage up here from the stables?" Relieved he endorsed and made his way with them.

Later in the evening the king's men sat in the great dining hall. Some of them talking, some just dozing. All of them seemed stressed and weary. They had brought up the coffin earlier. Arthur had been laid out in the chapel. The priests had anointed the former king and read their prayers to him. Tomorrow he would be brought to his grave never seeing the sun again. Merlin had not visited him. He could not bear seeing his protégé laying there only a mere corpse. Even the thought of it gave him horrors. Instead of that he had gone to Mab. Sitting next to her bed and watching her dead like sleep. Who was victim and who was the offender? It seemed so easily changing the roles from saint to villain and from villain to saint. He didn't know what was right, knowing that he had done terrible things too. He had made his mistakes in trusting Uther or in using Arthur as his own puppet just like Mab was using Mordred. And even Arthur had made his mistakes in leaving his country and wife just for chasing a legend. So, all of them shouldn't have tossed the first stone. The squeaking door pulled him out of his reverie.

Gawain entered. "Merlin, I j—", he stopped. His eyes lay on Mab, seeming to remember her, being the one who brought up Mordred on the plan. And Mordred had killed his father and Arthur. Wasn't she the archenemy of them all? Of Merlin, Arthur and all pious Christians, so why the hell was she here and still alive? "Merlin what are you doing with her?", he finally brought out. "I hope you are planning something on her defeat – or what has this madness to mean?" Gawain was outrageous and Merlin obviously at a loss of words again. How could he explain this to him? That he was saving their nemesis just because he was feeling sentimental, because he was feeling pity and because he wanted to keep something of his old life? "Gawain, she is no more a danger to us.", he declared. But the knight only vigorously shook his head. "Merlin, are you trying to tell me, that you are going to let her come away with this? She is responsible for Arthur's death!"

"I know but I am too, and Mordred is; just like Arthur himself had done some things wrong."

Gawain seemed not wanting to understand his point. He had his hand on the grip of his sword, ready to pull it out for finishing the murder of his king. "Gawain, please killing her will bring us nothing!", he pleaded. "It won't bring your father back nor will it satisfy your hunger for revenge."

"But this is betrayal! Merlin you are betraying Arthur by not only letting his murder get away, but by even helping her!" "His murder was Mordred! And he is dead!", Merlin shouted. With low voice he continued: "And she probably is as well. I guess she never will wake up again." Merlin looked straight into Gawain's eyes. "Let it go, there has been enough blood spilled." Gawain let his hands fall down. But anger was still on his face. "I promise you, if she ever crosses my way outside the borders of this island, I will finish her of!", with that Gawain left the room furiously snapping the door. Merlin sighed. Of course the knight was angry and course he wouldn't understand. How could Gawain, when even Merlin did not quite understand it himself?

Next morning Arthur was carried to his grave, accompanied by the chants of the monks and the sobs of the nuns. Merlin watched the procedure from afar. Gawain just turned but when he saw Merlin's look he firmly turned away again. He had not spoken to him since their argument last evening. Tears gathered in his eyes again. So Merlin left the scene, maybe he would return later saying goodbye to his king and pupil.

Gawain didn't speak to him for the rest of that day. And he would not have done if Merlin had not visited him before his departure the day after. The young lord was saddling his horse and pulling his baggage on the horses back. Yanking at the laces he tried to ignore the approaching wizard. "So you are leaving?", Merlin asked. "As you can see.", Gawain answered shortly. "And where are you going, now that Camelot had fallen?"

"Back to my father's land. I have to protect our people in Lodainn." "Against the Saxons?", Merlin asked. Gawain just shrugged his shoulders. Merlin didn't understand. "Who is taking the place of Arthur?" Gawain laughed bitterly on this. "Everyone wants and no one can." Merlin frowned. "Constantine of Cornwall, the son of Conomor ap Tutwal, will try becoming High King now, he has the most men on his side." Gawain mounted his horse. "But the other lords don't approve, and instead of joining together to fight the Saxons they are threatening each other with battles." It was like Sir Rupert had told Merlin. Struggles about power tore the land apart and new forces used their chance. So the young lord had to fear his neighbor lordships and the gathering Saxons in the south.

"I bid you farewell then and wish you to be successful in defending your people!", Merlin said. "Farewell master Merlin.", Gawain responded without sympathy in his face. Giving a command he and the other riders took off leaving for their homeland. Merlin stood there for a while watching them disappear on the horizon. A nudge by Sir Rupert's mouth on his shoulder told him not worry furthermore.


	6. Departure from the Fortunate Isle

Sixth Chapter

Looking at her gave him a strange feeling. Her wounds had healed. Her breath went slow but steady. She looked perfectly asleep just like normal, except that she had not woken up for weeks now. She had not moved and she had shown no other sign of life. Her body seemed even thinner and weaker. What was it that kept her in this condition? Merlin didn't know. He tried hard to figure out what options were left for him to do. The sisters always told him that they kept praying for her and that he should join them. But of course he knew it would not make sense. She looked so weak, so vulnerable… He ran his finger slowly across her cheek catching a strain of her hair end curling it around his finger. Too weak… maybe if he could give her some strength – the tea and herbs may have healed her body but was it enough to make her strong enough to wake up again? So if he just gave her some of his energies… He tried to concentrate. He laid his hand on her chest, focusing on her heartbeat, and then focusing his own. Trying to catch the essence of live in her heart he added some of his energies. It made him feel dizzy, just for a moment, then he watched her tensely… But nothing happened. Nothing had changed. So what was keeping her from gaining her consciousness back? Was it the connection between his hand and her chest – maybe it needed bare skin and no clothes between it. Carefully he wiped away the collar of her gown, shoving it down.

He stopped as he saw her scarred skin. Partly red and swollen it still looked painful.

Yes he had seen this image once already. It had been when Nimue firstly had removed her veil in front of him. She had told him, that she wasn't ready for this. But he had ignored her complain. He had only wished to remove the scars from her skin and he had tried hardly. But he had not been able to; the scars had been caused by the magical fire of a dragon. A dragon sent to them by Mab. His only wish had been to restore his beloved Nimue and he had failed. Far worse she had indirectly hated him for that. Now she had thought herself a monster. Oh if she only would have understood, that her appearance had meant nothing to him. But her scars had destroyed their relationship. She never had opened up herself to him again because of some simple scars. Scars … given by a dragon … sent by Mab. He felt a flush of anger again. He clenched his fist looking at Mab. It was her fault. Though it seemed she had endured the same fate, she once had caused. What use would it give him to dwell in the past again? The woman that lay before him was Mab now, not his lost love. Merlin sighed.

He ran a finger over her scarred skin observing her face for any reaction. Nothing – no sign. He could try it. Maybe it would help her. She could not stay this forever. Maybe he just had to finish her healing – which meant he had to remove her scars. So he laid his hand on her chest again, this time on her bare skin. It was a strange feeling touching that bruised skin. He focused on his aim creating a mental image of her scars. Then he pushed his energies on them forcing their transformation into unscathed and beautiful pale skin. When he opened his eyes again he couldn't believe what he saw. All scars had gone. This time he had not failed! Not only her neck and décolleté but also the rest of her upper body had healed again. His heart jumped happily - but then the smile faded on his face. How naïve he was… thinking something like restoring her beauty would make her get up. Of course her condition had not changed in any way, except for her wounds. There was no trace of them left but still she would be to weak or whatsoever to awake.

Merlin gave up. He stood up and left her room. Restless he wandered around the cross-coat. Brooding over the cause of her illness he roamed the halls. Did he really have lost her? This thought seemed horrifying to him. But then again he knew he had tried to kill her. But on the other hand, if he had succeeded, then he really would be all alone. Everybody that he once loved or just had loved him would be gone, if she died now. She was the little rest that was left from his former life. Could he really let that go?

_She knew she was close. Close to the way out. It had been hard. Maybe it had been weeks, or it may have been ages, but she had not given up. She had not stopped wandering. Her soul felt like a haunted ghost, but she never lost her aim. Hounded she ran through the maze, straying through tight and angled walks. But it became harder with the time. And more and more the dark twilight began to fade into grey. Contours became blurred at times and the contrasts diminished. And then she finally had seen something looking like an exit. She had seen a clearing or something like that with a stone gate outstanding on the grey background of the twilight. It seemed that the labyrinth opened half circled around that clearing, which on his backside abruptly ended on a cliff._

_But then she had headed toward the clearing full of joy of finally being saved. And then suddenly the thorny hedges had moved and closed them before her very eyes. And so also the last three exits she had tried, had closed themselves just before she could reach the clearing. _

_Now she moved slowly toward another opening. Maybe if she carefully watched her steps… The edge came nearer and nearer. She could see the stones. high and proud they rose creating a monumental gate. Only a few feet and she would be out of this miserable place. One other step – and the hedges like a raging beast clashed together and trapped her again in the darkness of the maze. _

_She could hear a hysterical laughter echoing through the air. She remembered Morgan's voice. "Why won't you let me out of here?!", Mab called. Again just laughter. "Show yourself!", she shouted. But no one came. Mab searching through the dark felt panic rising in her. _

_"This is not my doing, but if I could… I would just push you down the stairs like you did with me.", the voice said ironically and faded. Mab gasped. So if this wasn't Morgan's revenge, who else had the power to keep her here? Was Merlin's mother right? Did Merlin's hate keep her from surviving?_

Merlin sat on the shore tossing little stones in the rising tide. On this place he often had dwelled with Nimue. They would have watched the waves of the sea, the sun rising or falling and the seagulls circling over their heads. Now he sat there alone, not knowing how Nimue was at the moment. She was lost to him, and probably so was Mab. He heard footsteps approaching. Without looking he knew it was father Abbot. He had avoided him always when he had tried to ask him about Nimue and his patient. He had not told him anything, not even Mab's real name. After a while Abbot had given up on inquiring. Merlin wondered what the monk was about to want now. The old man took his seat next to him, for a while saying nothing. "Merlin, you know that we can't help her.", he said. Merlin didn't answer. So Abbot continued. "Well I mean her wounds have healed, but her soul does not return." With pity he saw that Merlin's eyes filled with tears. "See Merlin, I don't believe that our god can help your Mairéad." Merlin chuckled bitterly. "I never thought that he would.", he replied. But Abbot didn't bother that. "I know you don't believe in his power, but that is not the point.", he said. "Our prayers have an immense power and usually they can make up miracles." Abbot tossed a stone onto the water watching it jump one time and then drowning. "But now after weeks of praying without an effect I have come to the conclusion, that this place may not be good for the healing of your friend." Merlin looked up in surprise. What did he mean by that? And Abbot like reading the question in his thoughts answered: "I think it is time for you to leave with her." He slowed down his voice and whispered: "If she is no creature of our god, then her soul will never get a chance to return on this place!"

"So you want us to go for the hope that somewhere else she may regain her life?"

"I believe so; if you wait any longer her body will decay without its soul.", the priest got up on his feet. He turned and made his way back to the monastery, but before he could go, he heard Merlin call: "Tell the nuns to get her ready, I will pack my stuff!" Abbot turned once more and nodded firmly, then he left. It was not easy for him to make them leave but maybe it was the only way. Avalon would always be a place giving help to those in need of it, but it seemed - not always it could provide the help.

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_**********So my beloved and faithful readers I hoped you like the little Merlin sequel so far. Now my new semester starts, which means it will take me longer to update for now. But still I hope that I don't have to let you wait for too long. For reviews, ideas or any questions I'm always grateful, so if there is something I can do - just write! Sincerly yours, maellowyn**************_


	7. Help Denied

************_So here we are again. First of all: I'm so sorry for letting those wait, who enjoy my story. Second: A huuuge thank you! - to all those encouraging reviewer for the reviews I recieved the last time - they made me pick up this story again und made me continue (even though I in the middle of my Latin exams) - so I hope this little chap is for your pleasure, I already have the next one started and I hope to finish it in the next days._***************** _aye - and who can guess which movie gave an inspiration to me while writing this?_************

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Seventh Chapter

The fresh wind blew into his face. The hour was still early but the monastery was already a small form within the sea hardly seen by the eye where Rupert and Merlin were by now. They had left Avalon in the early morning, had packed their belongings and had taken the inanimate form of Mab for their departure. Father Abbot had wished them luck and had given his blessings to Merlin, but this had not changed the feeling of despair in Merlin's heart. He didn't know where he could turn now

Looking at Mab's pale face he sighed. The power of Avalon had not helped her. Of course it was a Christian ritual place and he should have been aware of the problem held by that. But could it help then bringing her to an ancient cult place? He couldn't remember any of the ancient groves which had not been destroyed yet or had not been occupied by the Roman culture - or at least - they were much too far away from him now. Looking at the last watery drops drying on Sir Rupert's hooves it instantly came into his mind. Why hadn't he thought of it earlier? He would bring her to her sister. Back to those were Mab belonged to, back to her own world.

_The air had changed - if it even was air that surrounded her in the greyish atmosphere of the maze. Some blows went through the alleys tearing at the thorny hedges leaving an almost peaceful image of nature after their passing. It was like an unseen force had lost its grip on the realm tying it loose from the universe. This change got Mab's attention pulling her out of the reverie she had spent the last hours in. After countless failed tries to reach the gate she had felt more and more weary. Losing all her hope she had been ready to give up. But now she got up again. Looking around she decided to try one more time to reach the exit. Steadying herself she took a deep breath and moved forward. When she came nearer she closed her eyes and ducked her head fearing the hedges would clash together at every moment. She fastened her steps almost running and held her breath only to release it when she opened her eyes again. She had made it. _

When the lake came in sight Merlin felt relieved again. Now everything would be alright he thought. Reaching the waterside he slowed down and got of his horse. Carefully he took Mab and laid her to the earthly ground. Then he turned towards the water and called mentally for the Lady of the Lake waving his hands in the special gesture.

"Why did you call me, Merlin?", he heard her say.

And there it was again, a memory long forgotten from his own past. 'I didn't', he once had refused to that question, not knowing, where this creature of Lady had come from then. But she had insisted that he had called. It was when he had met her for the first time. She had appeared when he had been sitting in one of Mab's outer caves near the lake. He had been depressed by the lessons Frik had given him, had been bored by his presence in her realm, had felt overstrained by Mab's requirements. Of course it could have been worse then, but the real shock to him had been the message delivered by the Lady. 'I don't approve of what she's been doing … creating you and letting your mother die like that…', she had said. This had been the first time when he had felt hatred for Mab. He immediately had wanted to leave in disgust and she had helped him, warning him of Ambrosias illness. She had always helped him, hadn't she?

"Why did you call me?", he heard her voice again, this time louder and actually pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Still I come with the same cry for help my Lady."

"But you have won, have you not, Merlin?", she asked. "I have heard of the great battle and fall of Camelot."

Merlin sighed. "Not quite My Lady. It is not finished yet." And he motioned to Mab's lying form on the ground. The Lady paused for a moment. A single fish was dancing around her neck. But still her skin was glowing in silvery magic. An ethereal being she was, floating over the water with an always calm, yes nearly expressionless face never truly revealing her thoughts. And when she continued her voice was still neutral, neither upset nor relieved.

"What do you want from me? She is dead, defeated and drained from all her powers; like I had foretold her."

"But no!", he claimed. "She is not dead yet, but she hasn't awoken for weeks now – you must do something to make her come back!"

"You forget I'm the Lady of the lake. I'm made of water… now everything's flowing away from us and I have accepted it - unlike her. There is nothing to do for me."

"My Lady—", he hesitated. Changing looks between her and her sister. "If you can't help her with power, will you at least bring us back to her world beyond the lake?"

"Merlin you do not seem to understand. Even if my powers would not be put on ice… she is nothing more than a mere corpse. Finish its sufferings and let her go!"

With that she had vanished slowly from his sight. But he could do nothing than to stare at the point where she had been just a few moments ago. What had just happened? He never had been rejected by her before. The Lady had indeed always helped him. She had told him about his mother and aunt, had given him Caledfwlch, the sword later known as Excalibur, had shown him the way to Dun Guayrdi, the home of Launcelot and had taken back the sword after its need had been full filled. Even in these useless deeds, like finding a protector for the throne or defeating one of many tyrants, she had always given him hints or tools. But for Mab… she simply would let her sister die. Had it not been this very circumstance they had accused Mab with so long time ago? He shook his head. They were own their own again. With resignation he turned and took up Mab again. "I guess we have to find our shelter elsewhere.", he said to her not awaiting any reaction. He went back to Rupert and saddled him.

* * *

"Was that just young Merlin I sensed?", Frik asked when the Lady approached him. She didn't answer immediately just taking her place next to where he was collecting some shells at the caves margin.

"Good king bad king you judge to easily, Merlin", she said after a while. Frik shot her a questioning look. "He is always so eager in believing in what is right and what is wrong." She smiled. "So determined to believe in the good of the world…"

"What did he want?", he asked.

"Oh nothing but to help me saving his enemy - my enemy - our enemy from extinction."

"You mean Mab – isn't she defeated?" Frik's eyes grew wide with horror and disgust.

"Don't worry", she declared. "It is only a matter of time." Satisfaction spread over her face and she explained further. "Her soul is already too long gone from this world too have any energy left. I guess she is ceasing to exist the very moment."

* * *

_Mab couldn't believe it. Finally no hedges had trapped her inside the maze. She stood in front of the stony gate now. Determined to take a closer look she made a step forward. The gate reminded her of the large monuments of the old Celtic cultures. In times when she had been worshipped by the Lá Téne the people had created large circles of stones like this. It was high and carvings encircled the stones forming a tree on each site twisting its branches in knots and patterns. The air seemed dizzy between the two collars. She could see the cliff behind it probably reaching deeply down. A sheer like you could find many on Britain's coasts, especially in the south. She wasn't sure. Was this the only way out? Through the stones and then falling from a precipice… Would she survive this? Or did she have to die for a living? Well at least anything would be better than surrender or staying in this twilight zone forever. _

"_It's only forever. Not long at all.", she heard a cold voice behind her. She dared not to turn. "You're sure you wanna do this?", he asked. "Return to a world of war and hatred, where no one believes in yoou?" She could feel his breath on her neck. "That is why you are dead!", she hissed and turned around to face Vortigern. "You didn't believe in me! So Merlin had the power to harm you with Caledfwlch. You chose your own destruction.", she stated. He only shrugged. "Yeah I know that, so I'm trying to prevent you from choosing your destruction."_

"_But I can't stay here… I grow weaker and weaker.", she answered. _

"_But what do you think will await you once you get back?", he mocked. She turned from him only to be faced with him suddenly appearing before her again. "Do you really have enough power to keep your form steady in a world of non believers?"He raised a hand to her face cupping her cheek with it. Gently stroking his thumb over her skin he murmured: "You will fade either here or there…" She hesitated. His cold blue eyes were piercing her gaze. She couldn't feel anything as if his touch wasn't even real; he was dead, a ghost haunting her for a visit. An immortal soul in his own realm, where she could not go to. As if reading her thoughts, he said: "There is nothing you can do against it…nothing… only fading… or dying like a human." _

_Well if I can do nothing, then I will at least have my choice, she thought._

_With that thought she resolutely spun forward right through a suddenly immaterial Vortigern. She passed the gate before anyone else could interfere, feeling an electrical tingling all over her body and flung herself from the cliff heading down into the unknown deep._


	8. A Waking in a Grave

**_*********Sometimes stress seems to be a useful motivator. But just sometimes. Finally I have continued, so I can present you a few lines more on this story - As always: thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing, and thanks for waiting!*********_**

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Eighth chapter

Where should he go from here? Again he was uncertain if he should return to Camelot or to what at least was left of the royal court or if he should betake himself for a place where he may find former allies. But of course there were none left of them. He had to avoid those areas which now were centers of struggles between Britons and Saxons. In his indecision Merlin made his way southwards passing fields of the old Dummonian territories. Maybe he just would have to go home. On the other hand, once there, he easily could travel forth into Kernow. The most western reign of Britain, now belonging to Constantine of Cornwall, had been the place where Mab had forged her plans about Mordred becoming the High King. He had no idea if the castle of Dun Tagell would still be empty, but he doubted it.

The summer was moving to its end. And soon the countrymen would bring in their harvest and prepare for the colder months of the year. But already it seemed as if there were coldness and uneasiness in the air. Maybe he only was exaggerating things in an overstressed mind. Lost in his thoughts Merlin didn't give further attention to his surroundings trusting Rupert to find the right way. By noon they were reaching the settlement of Twyverton. Here he would usually turn north heading for the little wood surrounded village of Barum, where he had his little hut. But he could also continue on the old Roman road from Cryditon to Dun Tagell. He was curious what changes he would find there now that Mordred and Morgan had gone. Without a real destination it wouldn't be that much of a long way round he thought. He still could return to his hut in the next days. Of course it was a great advantage having a magical horse on his site, for Sir Rupert was much stronger, more persistent and faster than any horse in this world – even being of such an old age by now. Tugging Mab a bit closer and rearranging the blanket on her to protect her body against the wind he gave his horse the command to move on. Passing Cryditon he noticed, how rural and wild the countryside still was. The area consisted of wide areas full of lush green rushes and moorland. Only small forests could be found aside the rivers. These parts were still much more bound to its old Celtic inhabitants. Rom's influence just had reached to Caer-wysg, which they had called Isca Dumnoniorum – city of the Dummonians. So the more western areas Merlin now was traveling through seemed still wild and untouched. Next to the road Merlin could see the old Standing Stones. The _maen hir_ belonged to the ancient Pagan folks. But already these old cult places were deserted and abandoned. Actually he had seen several stone crosses in the villages.

The sun was slowly setting. They would not make it to Tintagel this evening, so he decided it would be the best to find a resting place for the night. He kept looking around the countryside, seeing not much but open land. Not very protective against the wind, he thought. He already began to scold himself for not earlier having thought about the distance, when he saw the stones. An ancient place, once it had been a tomb for a chieftain – the empty kistvaen held now enough space for the two travelers. He stopped Rupert. Got off and placed Mab against the capstone. Then he prepared some blankets inside the cist to pad it out. From the corner of his eye he saw a flicker. Watching closely as he approached Mab, he waited. Nothing happened; there was nothing, perhaps just his imagination. He carried her down into the cist and laid her softly onto the blankets – then he made a small fire in front of the entrance. Roasting himself some ham he watched the darker growing sky.

_Mab fell. With increasingly speed rocks and water seemed to come closer. She prepared for the impact, but it came sooner than she thought. Not on the rocks but on an invisible barrier her fall stopped immediately. She felt like being torn apart and pressed together the same time, when her vision became blurry and faded into dark. She couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't breathe and everything hurt suddenly – like there were thousand needles on her whole body. She tried to writhe but managed nothing but a moan bursting out into heavy coughs._

Merlin startled up, when he heard Mabs hard coughing. He turned and quickly he bent down to her, taking her by the shoulders trying to comfort her. He couldn't believe it. After all those weeks finally she gave a life sign.

Mab panted for air. When she felt the cold oxygen in her lungs again, her body calmed down again. Somewhere there were strong hands supporting her weight. She could not hold herself up. Mab heard a concerned voice in the distance. But quickly strength left her again. It seemed to her that all energy had left her body. She felt heavy and tiered and before she could think more about it, her consciousness slipped away, leaving her fast asleep.

Worried Merlin had held her, calling her name, but she wasn't reacting. Gently he pulled her back down. Mab had fainted again. She was sleeping now, really sleeping. This was different than before; she didn't seem like dead anymore. Her cheeks were slightly flushed in red. Her breast was heaving steadily. He couldn't help but laying his arms around her, bending down brining his ear onto her chest. Tum tum tum.. he heard the heartbeat. Se sound of it gave him a strange feeling of relief. A tear rolled down his cheek.

Morning came and then came noon. The next day had come. Her head ached; _this is how humans must feel after wassail_, she thought. She blinked, dazzling light stung in her eyes. She gave a moan and tried to get up, unsuccessfully. When she finally managed to open her eyes, she only did it to meet some dark blue eyes piercing into hers – they belonged to Merlin. She winced back immediately. _He is going to kill me._ Instinct took over. She tried to struggle, but not having any strength. She could only cower and look fearful at Merlin.

"It's alright, don't be afraid!", Merlin tried calmingly. "Everything is okay, shhhh shhh you are safe." Gently he placed a hand under her neck, lifting her head slightly he said: "Here drink this." Skeptically she looked at him, pressing her lips hard together. Something wasn't right here. But she could not remember what it was. "It's just tea.", he said, raising the cup to her mouth. Reluctant she parted her lips unwillingly swallowing some of the warm liquid. It tasted bitter and left a strange starchy feeling on her tongue. Then she realized what it was, that was wrong. She never ever had drunk tea before. She never had drunk anything human-made before, least of all something simple like tea. A Fae as she was, she didn't need nourishment. So why was he giving tea to her. And why can't I move? And why was it Merlin, who gave her tea? Questions began storming into her mind. But all she could finally ask was: "What happened?" Her voice sounded weirdly thin. Silence. "Don't you remember?", Merlin asked. "What should I remember?", she returned. Pausing for a thought, she tried to recall the recent happenings. There was a battle. Mordred fell. She had wanted to destroy Merlin. _Well that obviously didn't work_, she thought sarcastically. But how did she end up like this? Weak and nursed by her enemy. For a few moments neither of them said a word. In both of their minds the thoughts seemed to follow in quick succession. Merlin wasn't sure what he was about to tell her now. She just had woken up again, how could he possibly tell her, that it had been him, who nearly had killed her? How could he explain his change of mind to her?

"Our battle is over, Mab.", he started. "You have been… let's say… a little bit indisposed for the last weeks." Mab looked questioning. But he continued. "This is the first time you are awake for months now." _So something must have gone absolutely wrong_, it dawned on her. She felt awful. Her head still was throbbing. The situation got no inch better. "So why am I with you?", she asked. He didn't answer immediately, so she tried to look around. "And where the heck am I?" Merlin decided that the latter question was the easier one to answer. So he meant: "We're on the road to Dun Tagell Castle." He continued: "Yesterday we passed Cryditon, and when nightfall came, I had to look for a resting place." Mab looked a bit irritated. "That's a tomb Merlin.", she stated. "Couldn't wait to lay me to rest, could you?" He looked at her quite perturbed, searching for the adequate answer. "Well .. you... know it is a little bit more complicated than that.", he said. Then more sincere he answered: "I feared all the last days and weeks, that I would have to find you a grave, that you .. you also.. would pass." They both gazed into each other's eyes. That was odd, how could Merlin be so concerned about her? He felt uncomfortable, too. He realized, that he never had thought ahead, about what he would do, when she would be back again. He remembered that it was time to get up now. Breaking their eye contact first he went, "But don't… don't let us agonise about this now." He got up, and began to gather up their luggage. Mab again noticed that something was really wrong about her. She couldn't get up. Even lifting an arm seemed an enormous exertion of strength. Another time she tried to lift her body, only to fall back exhausted. Merlin, who was already lading the stuff onto Sir Rupert, saw her efforts. Smirking he said: "Wait, I'll get you up."

"My weakness seems to please you, Merlin", she hissed looking quite offended. "No no, it's just good to see the old stubborn 'always fighting Queen Mab' again.", he said. Mab sighed. What have I done to deserve this?

Again he took her into his arms, tugged the blankets around her and lifted her into the saddle. Taking his place behind her he pulled his arms protectively around her. For a single moment Mab had the desire to protest, but in a swift second it was gone and she felt deadly tired again. Resting against Merlin's warm body she noticed half sleeping that the horse had set its hooves into motion. Not able to ponder anymore about it she just slept.


	9. Hospitality

**_*********So my beloved readers - here I give to you a little Christmas present - another chapter. Thanks to _**herxlnc, caramelapples, Arwen17evenstar and Bellatrix Lepus **_for their last reviews. I hope I have not made too many mistakes and I hope to continue soon*********_**

Ninth chapter

A crow left its place on the rock where it had been watching the seagulls. The village of _Tre war Venydh_ which was at the foot of the fort Dun Tagell lay silently in the morning mist. Not a sound was to be heard. Merlin led Sir Rupert through the small settlement seeing not a soul. As they passed a few cottages they approached the graveyard. There they finally saw some of the villagers. Deep holes had been dug. And several dead people were brought to their graves by their fellow villagers. Crows were circling above them. Merlin wondered, what had happened here. One old man watched them distrustfully from the yard.

Merlin decided to find tavern or a grange where they could stay a day or two. Cause Mab was trembling in the wind, and he felt that she needed rest. She had not spoken to him since the last night. He didn't know if that was good or bad, for he himself was at a loss for words. But what had he expected? That she would wake up and they would be best friends living happily ever after? He continued the horse until they passed a farmstead, where an old hag was sitting in front on an old bench. "Good day to you, madam!", he called. But the old one just snorted. "May I ask you for a place where I can feed my horse, and where I and my … my… my… hmm… wife could rest?", he asked instantly biting his own tongue for this expression. The old woman watched them suspiciously; "What is it with the lady? Will you both bring the plague now also into my house?" Now it dawned on him what it was they had seen before on the graveyard. The people had died from a disease, now the hag thought his fellow rider was ill too. "No, no, of course not.", he hastily answered, "I promise you, she has nothing infective, she is just exhausted from our long journey." Still not quite convinced, she looked directly at Mab. The Queen of the Old ways felt anger rising inside her. How dared the old woman to accuse her of being sick like a mortal? She already wanted to protest, when she felt Merlin's grip tighten around her. Instead she answered, "he is right, we have been on the roads for weeks now, I'm fine." "Hmmpf, ok you can take yourself a bed in the barn.", the woman replied, "But if you want food, I hope you can pay." Merlin was relieved, he nodded gratefully and followed the old one in her instructions.

Later that day he and Mab sat together on their makeshift bad of hay. Their hostess had given them warm stock to eat. Mab again had tried to resist Merlins feeding attempts. But then he had threatened her he would call the old hag to do it for him, cause he knew Mab actually had no strength to defend herself against anything. Unwillingly she ate. Swearing to herself she would repay him every single bitter food Merlin forced her to eat. Merlin however seemed amused by her old stubbornness. Gladly he thought; _some things never change_. Silently he smiled to himself. "What makes you think this is funny?", Mab enquired. "Well, you will get used to this I guess.", he said. "Pftt how could I? This is disgusting.", she answered enraged, "I hate this stuff, I hate this laying around, I hate riding with you, and I AM NOT YOUR WIFE!" That was harsh and Merlin felt quite shorttaken. "Hui, ok… first: you have to eat or you will always stay this weak laying around; second: in this state you have not a better choice than riding with me, and for the last... well ok, sorry for that, but we needed accommodation.", Merlin replied aghast. It hurt him a little bit, even if he wouldn't admit it. He really tried his best to care for her and all she could do was complaining about his methods."You know, what?", he asked, "you will sleep now, I'll check on you later, now I'm going to take a closer look on that village and its problems." He instantly got up and left the room. "How dare you to boss me around?", he heard her call after him, but he didn't want to bother himself with her obstinacy any further.

On his way through the settlement, he barely saw a soul. But he wanted to know, what it was that plagued the people. And he wanted to know, what had happened with the castle of Dun Tagell. He could see one of its towers from where he stood. The mist had gone by now and the sun stood brightly and high. Admittedly it was a beautiful late summer's day, but the silence made him freeze.

"Strangers are not welcome these days!", a husky voice said. Merlin turned around. There before him stood the old man, who had watched their approach from the burial ground this morning. So the wizard replied: "Then let us not be strangers then, I am Merlin."

"I keep my point of view, you should take your little missy and travel on.", the guy stated. "Because of the plague that is raging your village?", Merlin enquired. The old man snorted. Merlin guessed this habit of being grumpy was common to those inhabitants. But the old one explained: "These are serious times. There have died five in the last few days, and nine more are ill." Merlin furrowed a brow. "And your Lord, what does he do? Who is at command in Dun Tagell?" "Our master is kept busy with the Irish, coming from over the sea." Merlin seemed quite irritated by this news. As if the old could read Merlin's thoughts, he continued, "After the Battle of Camlann, when Mordred fell, the castle was without leader for a while. The Irish took the chance. Now King Marc has reconquered it for our people, but there are still quarrels." "These are indeed some news.", Merlin stated, "perhaps I should talk to your Lord about the plague." "If you please, I don't think there is much he can do, we have incurred the wrath of God; all we can do now is pray." Then he simply walked away leaving Merlin where he was_. Always this irrational beliefs_, Merlin thought. He decided to visit the castle and its master the next day.

Mab was sleeping, but not peacefully. Images blurred through her mind. She ran in her dream, _she ran and ran and ran. A laughing voice haunted her. Thorns surrounded her, scratching her in her flight. A never felt fear made her heart pace like thousand drums. Then there was fire. First it was in front of her, then on the sides. When she tried to turn and flee the way back she was totally encircled by the flames. _

It was Merlin who gently shook her until she woke up. Feverish and exhausted she gained her consciousness back. Clutching herself to Merlin, she wrapped her arms around him. Sobbing she buried her head on his chest. Again Merlin noticed how heartwarming it felt to him, when he comforted her. He just held her close, patted her back, calmed her down. He wondered why he had never done this with Nimue. She had not let him close to her after the incident with the dragon. _If I could have been holding her like that, she wouldn't have left me_, he thought. But who had left whom? He had left the cage. He had thought meddling with Arthur and Mordred to be more important at that moment. But she hadn't told him anything about the conditions. Of course he could have guessed, but she had done nothing to hold him back. He still remembered how the walls had closed before him. Oh how he had cried her name. And how he had tried to open the cave by his magic. But this spell had been too strong, all he had been able to do, had been riding to Camlann. But what had he found there? Mab crying over a dying Mordred, and he also had no other opportunity than seeing his Arthur die. The pain still crept inside his heart. But he remembered, what Morgan once had said to him: _Yes you have to think of the future, Merlin, because the past is too painful_. There she had been right. So he abandoned his thoughts, returning his attention to Mab.

She had stopped her sobbing eventually. She seemed confused. And she couldn't explain herself, what it was that made her this vulnerable and attached to him. But this dream had been so realistic. She actually had felt the heat scorching her flesh. It had been nearly unbearable until he finally had saved her from it. Now that he held her, she felt embarrassed. "I… I don't know what got into me. I … am sorry… Merlin, but that… that dream.", she stuttered. "The fire hurt so much, what does this mean?" Merlin sighed. He also could recall the events of that day. And he hated the memory of it. But he told her; "The day Arthur and Mordred died, we fought in Camelot. Then there was a fire and you have been seriously hurt by it." He gulped. "That is, why you had to be nursed for the last months and why you are so weak." She couldn't remember it. The last thing she knew, was how Mordred had died in her arms. A tear rolled down her face. She suddenly felt very alone. Back then she had only sought revenge, but now she felt all alone and done for. "But why did you keep me?", she asked. Merlin shrugged his shoulders. He had asked himself this question for at least a hundred times. "I don't know.", he shook his head, "I cannot explain." Then he pulled her closer, reaching for the blanket and covering them he said; "Come on let us rest now." She tried to resist for a brief moment. But peculiarly she felt safer in his arms, than she would admit. Therefore she tried to ignore the insubordinate persisting voice inside her and tried to sleep again.

The nightmares returned that night for three or four times. And every time Merlin felt her tensioning again in sleep, he pulled her out of those dreams. But it didn't bother him. Somehow he was quite satisfied with the fact, that she was still alive and that she was dependent of him. And her company was probably better than no company at all. For once his thoughts mingled not with fear for losing another important person of his life. Instead he was thinking about his options with the plague. If the situation would really become that severe, they would have to find protection against the disease. So he pored over this until sleep eventually took over.


	10. Many Meetings

***************BellaLupus Your wish is granted, you know it is all a matter of belief, Nic Coay I'm glad that I have won you for this pairing and this story! xD (Maybe I have to say, that I never really saw Merlin as Mab's son, she only created him with her magic, that's all) Arwen You are so right, they should just marry.. moment.. that would be to fast, I still wanna write a little bit until they get each other ;-)... if that really is, where the story intends to go... it has somehow gotten a strange life of its own. For the rest I don't want to give away to much, but you could have the right suggestion. all - so thanks you guys for reading, and a Happy New Year!************

Tenth chapter

The next morning came and Merlin was ready for facing the Lord of Dun Tagell. He forbade Mab any leaving of the barn, which had been quite dispensable, for Mab was still in no condition of running around. She wouldn't get far, that she knew by herself already, being exhausted after putting herself up in an upright sitting position. Though Merlin didn't wanted her to get anywhere near the infected villagers. He couldn't imagine if she was vulnerable to the disease or not – cause she had been on the brink of death for too long now. He wouldn't risk anything. So ignoring her protests he left early in the morning. Passing through the village he saw some men carrying another dead body to the burial ground. _Maybe coming here had not been my brightest idea_, he thought. The way to the fortress was not the easiest one. The castle, built on an old Roman fort, was partly on an island situated in a bay and only connected with the shore through a small passageway. But to reach those gates Merlin had to climb numerous steep stairs. _Only a fool would try to lay siege on a fortress like that_, he thought thinking of Uther and his foolishness.

When he passed the gates he shortly nodded to the guards, who seemed to recognize him. Inside the court yard he observed some young knights practicing their fighting skills. Three were attacking one young lad at once. But without any difficulties he managed to parry their moves. His long red hair flew through the air every time he made swift turn to block one of the swords aimed at him. It fascinated Merlin how agile and gifted the young knight fought. He actually was far better than Arthur. Maybe he was not as strong as Mordred, but his techniques proved him being indeed a fighter worthy of the round table. Only that the round table wasn't anymore. Neither were Arthur and Mordred. _At least there still is Mab_, he thought. Still not sure if his decision at the burning castle had been right. He didn't even know if he still hated her, he couldn't be her friend, could he? No he had not yet forgiven her, _but at least I have her under my control_, he thought. As long as she was in this state she was no danger to anyone and by keeping her with him he could make sure, that she never would be in future. So he had a task and purpose for himself and something against the creeping loneliness he sometimes felt. "Sir, may I help you?", a voice pulled him out of his reverie. "Sir?" Merlin looked up and noticed the young fighter he had been watching before him. "Oh, well yes perhaps you can.", he finally answered. "I need to speak to the master of this castle – King Marc." "There you have chosen a nearly impossible task for my uncle is very busy.", the young one said. That thought had already occurred to Merlin. "So you are …." "I'm Tristram, son of Conomor.", the lad replied proudly, "But I and my half-brother Custeninn have been raised by our uncle after father's death." "So young Tristram, I know your uncle has problems with the Irish, but would you still be so kind and furnish him information?" "Of course Sir, what shall I tell him?" "Tell him Merlin, former counselor of King Arthur, wishes to speak him." The eyes of Tristram widened in surprise. And the little freckles danced on his cheeks in excitement. "You are Merlin? THE Merlin? The wizard?", he called. Modestly Merlin said; "Well if you like to call me that, I probably am." The young knight was startled by this revelation. Of course he had grown up with the stories of the round table dreaming that one day he could join those knights too. "I will lead to you to my uncle immediately, master Merlin!", was his eager answer. "Just follow me." Thus he sped forward, and Merlin had his trouble in keeping up with him. "Wait, wait", he called, "why is it that after your training you are still that full of energy?" Tristram laughed at this, "I don't know what you mean, that was nothing at all, just a nice warm up." Merlin felt old. Of course he was old indeed, but he didn't age like normal people, or he would already be a hoary geezer. And now after many years he felt for the first time very old. "Well you are a capable fighter, that I could see.", Merlin mentioned instead. The young knight blushed at this and his pale face became slightly pink. "Don't say that my Sir." "But I mean it", Merlin replied, "I bet you'd beat any Irish champion sent to Cornwall." This made Tristram thoughtful. An idea was forming in his mind, and he would discuss it later with his uncle. He led Merlin to King Marc who after knowing the wizards reputation was glad to give him an audience.

* * *

Mab meanwhile discovered the disadvantages of her new condition. Tiredness was the smaller evil. A strange gnawing feeling came from her stomach, another unpleasant feeling from her lower body. Every time she tried to get up, the whole world seemed to seesaw and after a few steps her knees gave in. Crawling was easier, but she hoped nobody would see her like this. She felt bitter, how unworthy of her, crawling like a beast. Yes it was, she thought. Knowing the meaning of the word unworthy, something Mordred and Morgan never had learned. But her poor Mordred how should he have known? She had never taught him. And now he was gone. Tears filled her eyes. So she added another very unworthy action to the crawling and feeling hunger – she cried. Not making any further intentions of trying to stand up and leave the barn, she just sat there and cried.

* * *

"What prominence do we have here in our little fort?", the King joked. Raising his hands in a placatory gesture, he continued; "I know you used to dwell here in Dun Tagell, in times of Morgan Le Fay and her son Mordred - be our guest again, Merlin." It astonished Merlin to hear, that after so many years his reputation still had not faded. And even now nearly a half year after Arthur's dead he still was welcome and well known in some parts of Britain. "I'm surprised, to see a Cornish King on the throne of Kernow so shortly after Mordreds demise.", Merlin said. "Oh my family never left indeed.", the king stated. "We always have been the leaders of the Dumnonii, even though Mordred took Tintagel, my brother Cado and our cousin Geraint stayed and reigned on Castle Dore." He led Merlin over to the other wall. There was a hand painted map on the wall. It showed the British Island and the territories of the old kingdoms before Arthur had united them. "Interesting indeed.", Merlin murmured studying the map. "I heard of a Constantine of Cornwall who is trying to become high king now.", the wizard stated. "Yes my nephew, Custeninn, has high ambitions, but I don't approve them." King Marc grimly turned and poured himself a goblet of wine. "You mean the throne of Britain wouldn't appeal to you?" "No, I'm bound to Kernow with all my heart, and only to Kernow."

He poured another goblet of wine and handed it to Merlin. For a moment nobody of them said a word. Merlin drank the sweet wine. Then the kings voice started to sing the lines: _"Where the Gorse and Foxgloves dance and sway upon the rolling moors; and the sea wind blows her emerald kiss from north to southern shore; where a Song of Stone sings out in-tune to Transatlanic waves, If I could but hear that song again, my soul it would be saved."_ Merlin was moved by the king's sudden confession of devotion for his country. He wished that he himself could feel likewise, but he had never felt homelike anywhere, anywhere but in two places. First had been his and Ambrosias hut and second had been Mab's realm. But still Merlin had always felt torn between two worlds. Marc, who had finished his song, said; "Now you know, why it troubles me this much having to pay tribute to King Diarmait." Merlin understood. But that actually had not been his main purpose to talk about. Politics seemed getting far too complicated for him now. "Well you have another capable nephew - trust him with those matters!", he stated, "there are far more severe things just in front of your own doors." "You mean the plague.", the kings voice was drained in sarcasm, "I guess as a wizard you bring us a solution?" Merlin was stunned. "I .. aah … well I haven't thought about that." But King Marc only laughed humorlessly, "I didn't believe you to be that good, don't worry." Now Merlin frowned, unsure what to make of this. "Oh, no offense by that", Marc said, "I just don't believe, that you could stop a plague devastating the whole country." That news shocked Merlin. "Sorry, did you say the whole country?" "Well messengers have arrived from the Durrotriges and from Demetia, it is only a matter of time." That was not a good sign. Merlin wondered if it would be better if he left the cities. Diseases never reached the woods and wilderness he guessed. But what of the people? "Don't worry master Merlin", the king said reading Merlin's thoughts, "we will do what is in our best, it is not your job to save our people" "But what will you do?" "In a few days, when I have came to a conclusion about what to do with Tristram, I will order the construction of a new monastery." Merlin seemed not convinced, "But what use would that bring?" He couldn't understand the blind belief of the Christians. But Marc answered; "I'm not sure if that will ease the wrath of God, but it definitely will appease the people." What else could Merlin say? There was nothing left he could do. So he returned to the barn.

* * *

Before he could reach the barn, he was stopped by the old hag. "Young Sir, will you do me a favor?" "Madam", he nodded. "Will you take those two buckets and get us water, for the dinner?" Merlin reached for the buckets, "of course Madam." "You see my legs are not well today, and I usually get our water from the little stream on Barras Head.", she explained, "I don't like going down to the well in the village, people are talking too much." "Yes they probably do.", Merlin said trying to ignore the lamenting of the old hag. "Where is that Barras Head?", he asked. "It is near the castle. That is why my legs wouldn't make it today." He had heard enough. After ensuring the old woman that he would immediately return with two buckets of water, he took off. He definitely wouldn't repeat the way to the castle just for getting some water. The well was nearer, and he didn't care about talking people. So when he approached the village's well he prepared the buckets with ropes. Just when he began settling down the first one into the duct, he heard someone clearing his throat.

"I wouldn't recommend you taking that water." When Merlin turned, he saw his long time mentor Frik standing before him. "What do you mean by that Frik?", he asked. The gnome smiled surreptitiously. "Well you see, there is one well here in the village, and nearly all villagers are infected by a strange disease… isn't that a coincidence?" A horrible realization dawned on Merlin. The old hag got her water from somewhere else, and she wasn't ill yet. How could Frik know? _This couldn't be, he would never…_ Merlin shook his head in disbelief. "You are not telling me, that this well is poisoned?" "I am only making a suggestion, but you get my point, Merlin." "But how can you know this, Frik?", Merlin asked visibly alarmed. But Frik just ignored his question. Instead he asked; "How is our dear Mab?" Something seemed wrong to Merlin, he felt the suspense now lingering in the air between them. He carefully chose his words. "I would say she is quite ordinary, if I knew it.", this indeed matched the truth, for he really didn't know how she was at the moment, but he also felt a strange resistance for giving Frik any further information. "Well if I were you, I wouldn't run around with her in the public." Frik smirked at the speechless Merlin. "You see someone could easily recognize her as the witch she really is." Merlin's mouth opened widely in horror. But Frik wasn't finished yet, "You know the people will be searching for a cause of their plague." "You KNOW absolutely that is not true, Mab hasn't to do anything with that!" Frik pulled his hands defensively in the air, "Well, well, it's just what people could believe, if they get the wrong tip from somewhere." "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!", Merlin was upset. No, he was outrageous. In his anger he stormed towards Frik. He grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and gave him a good shaking, "You don't dare doing this!" "Tut-tut!, Merlin, why this sudden outburst? And just because of our enemy?", Frik asked. "Or did the little beast twist you around her finger?" SLAP! Merlin's fist collided hardly with Frik's cheek. The gnome moved his hand to his beaten face, cupping it, he said; "I thought you to be more resolute." Before Merlin could answer to this, he heard a voice from behind. "What's going on over there?" It was the old man from the burial ground. He held a lantern in one hand and watched most distrustfully at them. _Shit_, was all Merlin thought. He just wanted to start explaining; when he looked around and saw that Frik was no longer there. He stood there alone with his buckets at the well. "Sorry Sir, just an argument about the water.", he mumbled taking his buckets for a leave.

Now he finally knew he had to leave with Mab. Pacing to the stream that flew to Dun Tagell's haven, he was brooding all the time about the new information he had now. He hurried getting the water and on the way back his fear was increased. It already began to grow darker. Clouds were moving on the sky promising rain. He regretted somehow that he had left Mab alone for the whole day. The first drops of rain fell, when he entered the court of their farmstead.


	11. Homebound

_***********Again it took me quite awhile to update on this story, but I hope I do live up to my readers expectations. So here is another little part of that tale, which I hope is as worthy for reviews as the last one had been. Thanks to you all and hopefully you like it*********************_

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Eleventh Chapter 

Without further words he clashed down the buckets, leaving the old hag without any explanation. There she stood in her front door watching after him questioningly. When Merlin entered the barn and saw Mab, firstly a wave of relief was flowing through him, then, when she didn't looked up, fear had its grip back on him. Hastily he rushed over to her. "Mab, what is it?", he asked concerned, "Is everything alright?" She held her hands before her face, so that he couldn't see it. "Don't look at me.", she hissed hiccoughing. "Why? Mab! Are you alright?", he repeated trying to take her hands and pulled them away from her face. She still mumbled, "Don't look at me… don't look.", she tried to move her head out of his sight. "What is it?", he asked again very warily. Then he gently cached her cheek with his palm and looked directly into her eyes. She tried to suppress her sobs and with a low voice she nearly whispered lying an emphasis on every single word: "I _ have _ cried." - "Yes, I can see that.", he stated in neutral tone. She hesitantly shook her head. "No, you don't understand. I have cried! I am Mab, Queen of the Old Ways and I never do cry!" "So why have you cried? Was there somebody here?", he asked in return, hoping Frik had not been there. She looked at him a little bit irritated, "No, how could... I mean I wasn't to leave here… and I just… I just want my old life back!" Merlin watched her for a moment. Of course she did, he should have expected this. She was weaker than a mortal and dependent on her arch nemesis and of course the circumstances would cause her a nervous breakdown. When he realized that nothing seriously had happened in his absence, Merlin started to laugh. He began with a chuckle boosting into hysterical laughter. Mab looked at him in disbelief. She had just poured out her soul in front of him and he gave nothing but laughs. She was enraged by that. "What the bloody gnomes are you laughing at?" But Merlin did manage nothing but a giggle. "You … you … you…", she had no words for him. Instead she flung her hands at him trying to slap him. Luckily for Merlin that she had no real power to do him any harm. Effortlessly he caught her hands, pulled her closer and took her into his arms. After a few moments of useless struggling she gave in and collapsed exhausted against his chest, again. There she sobbed hardly, trying not to start crying again. "You are making fun of me, you bastard.", she murmured. But Merlin only patted her back. "You have no idea." He had quickly noticed how easy his former icy Queen could be calmed if he just took her in his arms. He knew that arguing with her had been useless for many times, but this new method seemed successful. So when there were no words left, he just overpowered her and silenced her in an embrace. "Outside there are death and treachery roaming the streets and you cry because… you cried?", he asked after a while. "I never do. I am a Fae, I don't need to.", she answered offended, "I don't need to eat, I don't feel, I don't cry and most of all I don't let myself be touched!" Merlin chuckled at this only to stroke her back a little more with his hands. She only snorted for an answer. "Just look at me, what have I become?", she mentioned after a while. "Yes, what a monster!", Merlin chortled.

Some minutes later they were having their dinner. Some soup with bread. Mab ate in silence. She still didn't like it, but the gnawing feeling in her stomach got better. Then she remembered how upset Merlin at first had been when he had returned. "What have you found out today?", she asked. Merlin chocked on his soup. "What?" "You wanted to talk to that king Marc, about that plague.", she reminded him. "Oh yes…" Merlin wondered how much of the information he could give her. It was not that he didn't trust her, but thinking of her condition, upsetting her not any further, seemed absolutely necessary to him. So he couldn't tell her of his encounter with Frik, nor could he tell her about the strange behavior of that gnome. They had to leave, that was clear. "Well it seems that the king is not really getting this under control." He still had her attention. "He says the disease is spreading, so we are leaving tomorrow." Mab felt that there was something he had not told her. But she didn't asked him. She would approve it if she finally could leave the rotten barn and their straw made bed. Her back ached from all the laying and she felt miserable. And knowing that she was in Dun Tagell, where Mordred had been born and raised, made her feel even worse. "Where are we going?", she asked. He looked at her thinking for a moment. He had asked himself his question before they went here. But back then Mab had been still comatose and he had tried to find help. Now they didn't needed anybody else, so he believed at least. So he just answered: "Home." And it felt strange calling a place home. Home had always been with people he loved. His home had been with Ambrosia, it had been with Nimueh and it had been with Arthur. Now he took Mab with him, that wouldn't get easy, he thought. But Mab asked him in disbelief: "Which home?" He believed this to be a rhetorical question, but Mab had actually asked him. "We are going to my hut of course.", he stated. "But why don't we go to my realm?", she asked, "Or why can't you bring me there? You… you wouldn't have to stay there. I can handle it quite well on my own!" It pained Merlin but he had to admit, that he wouldn't want her to handle it alone. Despite that he couldn't believe, that she was ready for that. She needed him and he knew it. Furthermore he had no idea how he could bring her back. The last time he tried he had asked the Lady of the lake for help, but she had denied him this help. She probably wouldn't help them again. And he needed to keep an eye on Mab. So there was indeed no way he would bring Mab somewhere else, than with him to his home. So he simply shook his head. She pressed her teeth together, looking suddenly very defiant. Swiftly she turned and staggered to their bed. She didn't face him anymore and she didn't spoke with him for the rest of the evening. He was sure she would get over it, so he just left her in peace. When he joined her, she made no move for cuddling towards him.

On the morrow he got up very early. Mab still slept so he did not disturb her sleep. He returned to the castle of Dun Tagell while most of the town's people still slept too. He reached the rocks of the fort just when the sun was rising. The golden rays broke their light in the morning mist. He still knew the secret passage ways through the castle, so he didn't need long to find the chambers of the king, now that he once had been led there by Tristram. There he found a piece of parchment, ink and feather. He pondered a moment about what he could write to the king without getting accused of the whole dilemma. So he just wrote about his suggestion, an idea he had last night in a dream. The king should try to close the well and to find different water resources. Maybe this would help or maybe Frik had only bluffed making a fool out of him. He couldn't imagine that the gnome would poison water in the whole country just for… for what purpose in the end? It was a riddle to him. Until he knew more he would keep this mystery to himself. So he left the letter and went unseen back to the barn. There he packed their stuff; fed Sir Rupert; paid the old woman and awoke Mab. The Fairy Queen still ignored him, she barely looked at him, nor did she talk to him. He led her out of the barn, and helped her onto the horse. Just like they had entered the village, they left it again, seeing only the old man watching them distrustfully. Then they were making their way through the _Goen Bren_, the moor of the river Fowey. They got back to the old Roman Road and headed for _Twyverton_. Mab didn't spoke with him for the entire journey. Only when it began to rain, she shortly swore: "Suckin'elf, that's my day!"


	12. Resistance

********************Merry Christmas! I hope you have not forgotten this little story. I haven't, though time hasn't been friendly to me this year. But even Rome wasn't built in one day, so I hope you forgive and enjoy the little piece presented here. And please forgive any mistakes, but I haven't written in English for such a long time... ********************  
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**Twelfth Chapter**

Sweet and damp mist was wavering through the woods. The air was sticky and humid. Drops were dripping down from the trees. After hours of riding they had approached the Barnstable forest. It had seemed that the rain had been following them through the moor and countrysides. Though, the journey had been remarkably uneventful. Neither of them had said much.

Mab was still vexed about Merlins reluctance against bringing her to her own realm. She was convinced that Merlin tried to make her life as hard as possible, not able to admit that he indeed was only but caring and supporting her. Besides that she felt miserable and cold. Their wet clothes were clutched on their bodies for there had been no protection against such weather. As if prompted by Mabs grumpy feelings the evening-sun broke through the clouded sky. Its rays irradiated through the trees and sparkled on the wet leaves. But she took no notice of it.

Merlin on his side was deeply in his thoughts, too. He was remembering all the times he had returned to this place. It always had felt warm and welcoming to him. Not far from the path they were riding on, he had firstly met Nimueh. He had been so young then. It had been an even sunnier and warmer day so many autums ago. He had been dreaming lightly asleep in one of his favorite places – a hollow tree. He had felt most vivid there. Then he had heard them, laughing voices, some of them debating fiercely. When they had approached him, Merlin had been stunned by her appearance. That girl had looked far more beautiful than any of the girls from the village. She had had an aura of grace and authority around her, so that she had seemed the most beautifully being he had ever seen, until then at least. Of course his first meeting with Mab had had a similar effect on him. Mabs beauty had been an ethereal one, something unearthly and celestial; it nearly had been overwhelming for the adolescent mind of the young Merlin. It seemed the more beautiful the women had been, the more willing the young boy had been to follow their orders. So it had been, when the Lady of the lake had entered his life. She had been the visual perfection of her sister. Everything that had been dark on Mab had seemed white and untouched on the Lady. He had thought her the purest being on the world. But for beauty he had learned it soon enough, beauty was only an illusion. He believed it had been Mab who had taught him this in so many ways.

"hhrrrm", Rupert cleared his throat. "Are you two finally getting off my back, or do you want to spend the night in my saddle?"

Merlin looked up. They had reached his hut without him noticing. There it stood in the midst of the clearing. Mab forced her attention towards the little wood made cottage. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. This was ridiculous, she should live here? That was not even an improvement to the barn they had spent the last nights in. But Merlin did not wait for her reaction. He simply did what Rupert had asked of them and got off the horses back taking Mab after him.

She immediately tried to resist his assistance. But when he had pulled her down, her knees gave in not used to such efforts. Hissing she still waved aside his hands. "Just let me sit here", she complained, "leave me!"

So he just shrugged; "Fine, be there!" He turned and moved towards the cottage.

Inside nothing had changed at all. The small hearth, the bench, the storage boards and the beds in the back - everything was in its place just a thin layer of dusk was there. With a wave of his hand it disappeared. He checked his stocks. There were dried herbs he could use for a brew, oat flakes and some flour sacks. It would be enough for a few days, then he would have to ride to the village for new supplies. In a box near the wall he found his old clothes and towels. He looked around.

The two beds in the back of the hut still looked like he had left them. They were made like boxes: a wooden slatted frame with enough space underneath for furs, blankets and other stuff. He rummaged through them until he had found clothes for him to change in. Cause of the rain they were soaked and dripping wet. Now in the evening it began to get colder. He shivered shortly. With another wave of his hand he had lit the fire in the hearth. He continued drying himself and changed into his new clothes. Mab still sat outside of the hut. His sharp ears could hear her suppressed sobs. When he was done he searched for clothes he could give Mab. But he had nothing left of Ambrosias old stuff. So he just took his long waistcoat made of rabbits fur and some towels. Then he began to fetch some hot water and oat flakes for porridge.

While it was cooking he decided that it was now time to face Mabs wrath again. There she sat in the dark and in the mud in front of the hut. She was freezing but made no attempt to move into the warmth. All she did was giving Merlin an angry look. He just shrugged his shoulders and moved towards her.

"You will come inside now.", he stated.

"Forget it!", she hissed.

But he ignored her reply and started to fetch her up. When she tried to wriggle herself out of his grip, he finally lost his nerves: "WILL YOU STOP THIS MADNESS AND DO AS I SAY?", he shouted at her with an uplifted fist.

Mab shrieked back covering her head under her arms and stopped all resistance.

Merlin instantly was sorry. With caution he put his arms around her, whispering calming words into her ear. Then he gently lifted her up and brought her inside the hut. There he placed her on his old bed. Taking the wet cloak from her he began to warm her up. With towels and blankets he supported her, rubbing her frozen body until she stopped her shivering.

"Put off your gown, it needs to dry" he said. This time she did what he said without any remark. He still was sorry for shouting at her. He nearly had slapped her again. He felt that they both needed some time to rest. Without words he handed her his waistcoat and turned to prepare the meal. He afforded two small bowls. When Mab was ready, he took the wet clothing and dropped them near the fire, while Mab was provided with one bowl and a wooden spoon. He took the other and seated himself on the other bed.

Wordlessly they began their meal. After a while Mab looked up. On his questioning look she just snorted: "That's disgusting."

Merlin sighed not knowing that in secret Mab was admitting to herself, that this food was much better than the soup they had in Dun Tagell. But she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that. After dinner she curled up in the furs of her bed. A few moments she pondered about Merlins decision to take her here, but the sleep came fast this time for she was feeling more exhausted than ever. Merlin on his side had more difficulties in finding sleep that night, even if he was in the same badly need of it like Mab was.

_She was running again. Through thorny hedges as if she was haunted by something. She heard laughter but she could not remember to whose voice it belonged. She ran only faster, knowing the exit had to be just around the corner. There it was. 'Someone else does blame you!', it echoed through the grey air. She flung herself through the stony gate. But then there was fire everywhere. Not an exit at all, instead she was in the burning Camelot. She roamed the corridors trying to escape the fire but they all turned out as dead ends. Encircled by the flames she only could retreat to the last room possible. Panting for air she entered the room with the smashed round table. 'Are you satisfied with what you have done?' Mab spun around to face Merlin. He looked so different. His face was nothing more than a wrathful mask. With fierce steps he approached her raising Caledfwlch in his hands. When the first stroke hit her, she wanted to scream, but no sound came over her lips. She couldn't breathe and she couldn't move. But the sword came down for her again and again._

In his sleep he heard muffled noises. Instantly Merlin was awake. It took him a short moment to realize what it had been that had pulled him from his light slumber. Mab was dreaming again, he should have foreseen this. Quickly he was at her side trying gently to shake her out of her nightmare.

"It's alright! It's alright you are save." But when she finally opened her eyes to see him, she panicked even more.

Nearly hysterical she screamed: "Don't kill me! Don't kill me Merlin! Please! Please…please…" until she only whimpered lowly.

Merlin was shocked by the deadly terror shown on her face. He couldn't believe that she was frightened to death of him. "Mab, please calm down!" he said. "I'm here to protect you, not to harm you."

She still said nothing. Of course it sounded quite a bit unbelievable, for she had been absent for the last months and her last memory was that of him trying to destroy her.

He guessed that her memories returned in her dreams, but she could not know, that now he wanted to care for her. "I know the last time we had an encounter, it was not on friendly grounds, but things have changed so much now!" Gently he stroke her cheek with his palm pulling his other arm behind her back. Then he pulled her to him in a deep embrace. Finally she relaxed melting into his arms.

"Do not kill me" she whispered.

"Never… not ever", he returned.


	13. Recognition

*******Yes, my beloved reader - if there are some of you left out there - here I have an update on this so harshly neglected story of mine. But I can assure you, I have not forgotten nor abandoned it. I simply have so many things to do and I am so seldom in the mood for writing. But over the time have received some encouraging reviews, so I can give you finally something back. I also have written some other stuff over the time, but I never published any of it, because, I will never again make the mistake of publishing a story in progress, where it is unavoidable to leave readers waiting. ********

Dim light was creeping its way into the hut. Mab could hear the birds singing outside. She felt warm and comfortable. Dozily she opened her eyes to find herself in the arms of a deeply sleeping Merlin. She had her head on his chest and his one hand lay on her stomach, the other arm was circled around her back. How could he? Instinctively she flinched. Seconds later she remembered the nightmare she had last night. This had never happened to her before. On the other hand, when had she ever slept? But still why did all those terrible things happen to her? She couldn't understand. She knew it had been a mixed version of her memories, but could not define which parts actually had happened. She knew she had fought Merlin in Camelot. She remembered how they had shot spells at each other and she remembered the empty faces of the people when he had hypnotized them. And he had beaten her to the ground, when she had begged him for another chance; so why was she still alive? And why was he so concerned about having her around? She couldn't tell. _And why is it, that I feel so comfortable when he is around?_ Though she also felt strange laying in his arms, slowly she began to relax again. Not only that this was Merlin of whom she had believed so long, that he was her most acrimonious enemy. The physical contact itself confused her.

She had never allowed people to come that close to her, especially humans. They were so primitive, so unclean and impure. Not even Vortigern had gotten his prey on her. She remembered how he had watched her, when she had approached him that fateful day in his tent. Like a hungry beast his eyes had devoured her. And she had felt paralyzed by them, if only for a few moments. But those moments had been enough for him to draw her on his lap. But trying hardly to keep her composure she had tensed up. She had given him her sparkling tear. _'It'll protect you.'_ But Vortigern had not been impressed at all. Only lust had clouded his mind. _'What are you afraid of Mab?'_, he had asked in a husky voice._ 'The world is passing you by, leaving you behind. Kings and Queens, Old Ways and New Ways, they all come together in the end.'_ He had drawn her closer. So close that their faces nearly had touched each other and she had felt his breath on her skin. The tension between them had been nearly touchable in the air. But suddenly he had flipped that magical tear away into the fire. Like a sting it had felt, when its magic had been burned away unused and wasted. That sting had brought her back to reality. So she had retracted,_ 'It's your pride, Vortigern… your damnable pride that condemns you!'_ And with a flinch she had disappeared. But still back in her realm she had felt his breath on her skin. And she had felt unclean herself and used and betrayed. That piece of magic gone and torn from her. And she had sworn herself never to lose her control again.

Merlin moved in sleep, his hand crawling further and meeting her bare skin. There it was again, that tingling sensation that would make her feel like she wasn't in control of all her senses. She should move and wake him. This couldn't be, she must not allow him such contact, she had to… or she could simply doze away drowning in that spreading warmth flowing through her body. Like the last days it was just the most cozy and secure feeling it gave her resting in his arms. Slumber nearly got hold of her again, when Merlin was the one who broke the spell. He had woken up. Not aware of the slight state of rapture, he had brought onto Mab, he lifted himself up shifting her carefully aside. Kindly he patted her head and got up. Inside the bed it was cold again. Mab was wrapping herself deeper into the furs. She was still too exhausted from their journey, exhausted from their fight she believed and exhausted from the ages.

Later that day she heard the even and dull sound of Merlin chopping wood outside the hut. Mab got herself out of the bed and found that her simple dress had dried again by the fire. While she let her gaze wander upon it she couldn't help but to snort in disgust. It was still grubby and made of simple linen. Unbelievable that she was dressed like this for what… months? What had happened to her beautiful gemmed gowns? Well she had nothing else. So she put the chunky artless white… or well more grey dress on. Then she pulled Merlins furry waistcoat over it. Now she felt at least a bit ready to face the world outside. So she left the hut with unstable steps.

At the door she was greeted and blinded by the shining sun. Dizziness came over her. And for a few moments the world seemed to spin around so she had to steady herself leaning against the door frame. Then she went over to Merlin. He was so occupied in his work that he didn't notice her. So she just placed herself on a fallen tree. There she sat and enjoyed the warmth of the sun. For autumn they had quite a good day, she mused. She watched him fighting an especially intractable tree log with his axe. It would be so easy using his powers, still Merlin tried most things with his bare hands, didn't he? She wondered. Instinctually she gave the mental order for the log to part. But nothing happened.

It hit her like a blow. She couldn't feel any of her powers. Of course it had been that way for days, but now she realized it. There was nothing inside her. No magic, not a piece of it. She searched deeper and deeper but she couldn't find anything. She would have understood, if they were just too weak to be used, but there seemed no trace left of them. Was it his doing? Had Merlin somehow put her in invisible chains that bound her powers? She believed to get angry but instead it was despair that crept into her heart. All those feelings, she never used to have or at least that she always had repressed were now getting over her. She tried to fight the feeling of fear down, but again she was at the brink of her sanity. Emotions, feelings… they were too many, they were too unused to her. She had no control. Not even over herself, how was she going to gain control over her people, the British people or even Merlin?

Finally he made it and put the wood on piles at the huts wall. When he turned he saw Mab sitting on a tree trunk frowning deeply in thoughts. The sun made her skin sparkling and reflecting like she had glitter on it. But the stern look on her face gave a hard contrast to the harmonious atmosphere surrounding them. Slowly he approached her.

"Mab, what is it? You look upset." a_gain_ he added in his thoughts.

Her eyes met his. He genuinely seemed concerned. But wasn't it his doing? Anger, that was the right emotion, one she was used to. "WHAT have you done to me?!", she spat.

Merlin didn't understand. Irritated he looked at her trying to figure out, if he had forgotten something.

"What have you done to my skills?", she asked again. _Aahh that's the point. _Merlin wasn't sure how to react. Did she actually assume that it was his intentional doing? Unbelievingly he shook his head. "No Mab, I haven't done anything but to care for you."

"This is what you call caring?", she snarled back. "You drag me around with you. Put me in those ugly … hideous rags, force me to eat bitter stuff. And you don't even consider bringing me back home!" She was furious. "And you keep me weak. You bind my powers somehow, because you had not the guts to kill me right there, when you had the chance for it!"

Merlin clenched his fist. Anger flew through his veins circling through the whole of his body. He took a deep breath, trying hard to keep his countenance. Slowly he counted to ten in his head. And slowly the anger circled out of his veins again. Another deep sigh and he was ready to think about the accusations. "I never meant to kill you Mab.", he stated.

"You did! From the very beginning!" Of course did he, what else? How could he claim otherwise?

"No; I only wanted you to harm nobody else, to hold you at bay!" He wouldn't kill anybody, would he? He loved to tell himself otherwise , but well he had killed Vortigern... _'I'll kill you any way I can... but I will kill you!_' his words from the past were echoing through his mind …

"No you worked always against me, this means you sought my destruction.", her voice was full of bitterness, "Tell me Merlin why is it, that you hate me so much!"

Merlin shook his head, "Oh no Mab, don't play the child of innocence to me." This was what he had feared before her awakening. Now they were confronted with their past and still it seemed the everlasting fight was not yet decided. "You know perfectly well, that you killed my mother and Ambrosia –how could I not hate you?!"

She opened her mouth disbelievingly. "But … but... that's not true!" She had not killed them definitely; no. "I didn't kill them, how can you say that?" Pride had no place here. Too much had happened to her that she could still look down to everybody.

"Your sister told me, you let my mother die.", he was determined, "And I caught you in the act, when it was Ambrosia who died at your hands!"

It fell like scales from her eyes. Her sister had planted the seeds of hatred inside her boy then. But she had known then, so long ago, that Gwledyr would have to die in giving birth, and Merlins mother had also known. _'Fight!... come out of the land of magic and fight for what we once had… then the people will come back to the Old Ways as if new born… fight, Lady!'_ That was what she had said. And they had made their bargain. It had been sealed. Merlin was to be born. For the rest she could have done nothing about it. "That's how it works, the magical creation of a life takes another.", she finally answered in a low voice. "Your mother gave this sacrifice freely and only this way you could be born. Did you not learn about these sacred laws from Frik?"

What was this supposed to mean. He could not have been wrong, could he? What was it that Frik had taught him? He remembered only being a bored and always distracted student. He really could not tell if he had ever heard of this. But that wasn't the point, was it? _'I only let her die'_, he heard in his head. She still had knowingly let his mother die and Ambrosia… "But you did nothing to save her? And what was it with auntie A? The same?"

"I don't know what happened to Ambrosia…", Mab honestly seemed to ponder, "She was saying something and I screamed,.. she… she had provoked me, but then she suddenly got white and collapsed on the bench… But what could I do?" She looked at him, her eyes wide open. "What do you do when a human heart begins to falter?" A memory clouded her vision. _'You tell me. You're the great Mistress of Magic'_ What do you do? That was the only question left for her in this moment. "Tell me, Merlin." She looked helplessly at him expecting an answer of him.

"We have powers! We have magic! Why not use them to heal a person why not save a life by them? Why not use them at least once for something good?" He would not understand why she did nothing. She was a Queen of immortals. She must have done something. And he could not be refuted. All his life he had justified his fight on her crimes. The crimes that had been to let his mother and his aunt die.

"Even with our power… nothing… Merlin, nothing and nobody can interfere with death himself!" No she could do nothing against death. Tears began to fill her eyes. She could do nothing. Nothing. Not even for the ones she loved. Another memory took her sight of the reality around her. Blood on her fingers. Mist around her. And a deadly wounded Mordred in her arms. _'I can't save you … don't die Mordred.'_ She had held him close. And she had hoped he would be strong enough. But his mocking answer was the last thing he would ever say to her. _'Die? Dear auntie Mab?... that's the last thing I shall do.'_ Death was a power greater than any on this world. The tears fell, little droplets sparkling in the sun until they vanished in the fabrics of her gown.

"You really mean this?… there is nothing?", Merlin asked disbelievingly. He got her attention back.

"No there isn't. But that is what I have told you, when we first met!" Merlin shook his head. But she insisted. "Don't you remember when we explained to you for the first time, what the Old Ways would hold for you?"

When they had first met… there had been Frik, and his transformation. Yes that he remembered. And he could see himself, the young boy with radiant blue eyes, that he had been, asking: _'When I'm half mortal, will I die?'_ That was indeed what he had asked_. 'In the fullness of time. We can't change that. But we can change form…'_ The fullness of time… who made the decision? When was that? The fullness of time…They could not change that. She could have done nothing.

It was defeating. The feeling hit him like a punch into the stomach. He bend down, over to the tree. There he seated himself next to Mab letting his head fall down gripping it with his hands. All these years, all these struggles, all these victims for what? For a revenge he had no right to request? Merlin was weeping deeply. Slowly he felt a hand on his shoulder, softly placing itself on his back. He turned his head to see Mabs face still wet from her own tears but calm again.

"I… am… sorry…", the words came lowly and reluctantly over her lips, but she had said them for the first time in her life. "I may have caused your aunts death by upsetting her. But I haven't meant to do it." There it was, she had made an excuse. It was probably the hardest thing to say ever.

Merlin moved his right hand to her face cupping her cheek. "She was an old woman. And she was ill wasn't she?", he asked but more as if to ensure himself rather than to assuage her. The moment was lingering in the sun. They only wanted to believe that the tragedy was not as tragic as it had seemed. It would ease the pain. "Yes I believe she said so, Merlin.", Mab answered softly remembering vaguely the bitter smirk on Ambrosias face, that day when she had approached her in the hut. But Ambrosia had worn that expression in a similar encounter she could not recall clearly. There was something in her memories, of which she knew it was there, but she couldn't get a grasp on it.

A weak smile crossed Merlins face. "Then we have to move on. Leave the past behind us.", he said more to himself than to Mab. But finally he looked back into her eyes, "And surely we'll have get you at least some decent dresses."


End file.
